Dear Pulp: Red Flags & Real Life
Dear Pulp is a weekly series where we’ll solve your questions, dilemmas and disasters! If you have something looming in your life or a juicy secret you just can’t help but share (anonymously, duh), let us know via this form.
I’m all too familiar with red flags in relationships – what are some green ones?
Answer by Charlotte Lim.
Hands down, get yourself in therapy and find someone who’s also had their ass hauled in that well-worn chaise lounge. I’m going to be blunt with you: maybe you’ve got some red flags you haven’t yet realised or had the chance to tackle. Seeking a more objective assessment from a professional is proof of your own maturity to work on yourself in a way that models a ‘healthy adult’.
Moreover, if you’re looking for something more serious than perhaps who you’ve dated previously, rather than telling yourself “I want someone who loves me for me,” or “someone who is kind,” you need to knuckle down and know your core values. Do you value ambition over cleanliness? Is fitness more important than humility? How much does sexuality weigh into your relationship? Would you prioritise this more than say, financial management? Obviously, each value weight varies by degrees.
Relationships are about being real with yourself first – what at its core gives you fulfillment and joy? There is always wiggle room for compromise on the things that are less important – who does the laundry, for instance – once these fundamental pillars have been set.
It’s Week 1 and already something’s gone wrong in my personal life. How do I make it through the semester?
The first thing you should know is that if everything goes wrong, it’s not the end of the world and it doesn’t reflect badly on you as a person. When you start uni, the thought of failing a unit can be shudder-inducing. But it’s certainly not abnormal and nobody is judging you. With that said, there’s lots of things you can do to make life easier for yourself before it comes to that.
First of all, where to get help? USyd offers free counselling and psychological services if you’re struggling with mental health. You can also receive help and support from disability support if you are experiencing mental or physical illness. Don’t hesitate to ask for special considerations for any exams and assessments you might have coming up. While this is notorious for being a frustrating process, pay the SRC caseworkers a visit for help and advice with uni administration. Finally, staff members are often willing to provide help for students who need it. Check with your unit of study coordinator if they give out simple extensions for assessment and flag with your tutor if you need any support. Many academics and tutors have consultation hours where you can ask for extra study help.
If things are really bad, it might be worthwhile scaling down your study commitments. It’s easy to drop units on Sydney Student before the census date, which is 31 March. After that, you can Discontinue Not Fail (which appears on your transcript but doesn’t count as a fail) before 24 April. Remember that doing 2 units or less will lose you your Concession Opal, but doing 3 units is still full time and can take some pressure off.
Overall, the main thing you should know is that it’s completely normal to struggle in uni, to need help, and to not get everything right. There’s a whole bunch of organisations and tools to help you, so don’t panic!