Curb your Tiktok Addiction

“You could be so so much MORE”, I scream internally as I get a horrifically stale Krispy Kreme for $13.

The Painter and Pianist (1910), Lionello Balestrieri

I know you just read that title, and I see your concern. Your fury, your rage, your anger, wrath, heresy, violence, and all those other funky words Dante was talking about. I have no doubt you are expecting a joking article, a few low punches at Youtube Shorts, with all the common culprits for critique (“It’s batshit crazy!” “It has no algorithm!” “It’s recycled TikToks” “Mr Beast!!!!! Is! Everywhere!”). We are coming up to the 5th year of TikTok’s reign and the 3rd year of Instagram Reels trying and failing to compete, so let’s take stock. Although we all have a morbid level of awareness about how damaging that clock app is to our brains, bodies, and psyche, as a society, we don’t seem too keen on slowing down any time soon. A great many people have nobly detached themselves from the algorithm, only to become preachy martyrs pushing ancient forms of entertainment. Tik Tok is an uncomfortable, quite troubling, insidious, entertaining, awful part of our lives, but what if I told you that it doesn’t have to be. There is a very very uncomfortable truth that we all seem to be neglecting, a truth I need to tell you about: Youtube Shorts isn’t just good, not even great, but the answer to the short-form video crisis. So to you, the jury, let me present my case. 

First we need to talk about the important bit, the one bit where I regretfully will say that Shorts doesn’t have a leg to stand on: the algorithm. If TikTok is playing chess, Youtube Shorts is playing Uno and just got hit with a seismic +16 cards. The TikTok algorithm has a cosmic sense of knowing at any given time the content you need to see. It takes the metadata from your every move: every split second decision on whether to scroll, what you like and then unlike shamefully, when you don’t watch the video but scroll through the insanely funnier comments, and even what content you seek out at different times and places. Apart from in-app monitoring, it has been very very very widely reported that TikTok mines all of your data, but honestly at this point privacy on any social media app is pretty much non-existent so that’s by the by. However, what is unique about TikTok, compared to the other social media hellscapes is that their algorithm is one of the most sophisticated and addicting. 

TikTok addiction is widespread, widely reported, and insidious. I hate to get personal on pulp-usu.com.au/culture but I used to have a significant TikTok problem. I found every time I began to have an original thought or my mind wandered, I would immediately click onto the app and scroll into oblivion. What didn’t help was my brief TikTok microcelebrity (read: 10k views) status after posting a TikTok about burning my entire scalp in Welcome Week 2022: not only was I hooked on consuming the content, I was actively making TikTok’s. I couldn’t do much of anything without the app and I found whenever I would try to quit, I would have genuine withdrawals; as someone who has quit smoking, it was absolutely feral that I found the soap cutting, slime video, Hype House app harder to kick. Insanity. Eventually, after going cold turkey, putting my phone into a cupboard for 2 days, and pushing through the primal urge for dopamine, I quit, and now I absolutely will not download TikTok again. But there was still a short-form video app hole in my heart. I don’t think in of itself the TikTok algorithm is some heinous insidious thing designed to crush our attention spans, I mean, it kind of is, but there is still incredible content on TikTok and especially in the plague years, it was comforting to have fun little videos. But at least for me, the clock app was dead. So what is next? Well, Youtube Shorts of course!

The YouTube Shorts algorithm is horrible. No that’s not an accurate description, sorry, let me rephrase. The Youtube Shorts algorithm is terrible, and incredible. Let’s start with terrible. The Shorts algorithm knows absolutely nothing about anything, least of all you. I have been recommended the most wild, out of pocket things on YouTube Shorts, ranging from bodybuilding, to US army recruitment, Steph Curry facts, Steph Curry on Hot Ones, Steph Curry’s coaches, Steph Curry’s training, how Steph Curry eats, Steph Curry’s sneakers, Steph Curry’s best shots. Shorts has a pretty hilarious and not that great habit of seeing that you like, or even finished watching one video and then immediately rolling with it and recommending 50 million similar videos. So in the span of one evening, once I learnt a little bit about Steph Curry, I learnt a LOT about Steph Curry. That being said, there is a lot of good stuff on Shorts - namely, and this is insanely the primary reason for my switch to Shorts, Japanese and Korean Convenience Store content. As a long time traveler to Japan, and a big fan of the insane convenience store food, getting to see the hauls, the fun little ice cup drinks, the ramen, the onigiri, the banana milk and all the accouterments of affordable delicious food is just so relaxing. Apart from making me hate Australian 7-11 (“You could be so so much MORE”, I scream internally as I get a horrifically stale Krispy Kreme for $13), I have found that Shorts content tends to be a bit more whimsical, a bit more silly, lighthearted, less grounded in deep-set existential emotions and more connected to things that are genuinely just fun to watch, and stuff that’s a little bit relaxing. I mean yes, being jumpscared with furries and a knife collection is always a bit jarring but by feats of magic, I really enjoy watching Shorts and all the silly things it brings. 

When I was considering getting off TikTok for good, I was constantly plagued with the existential dread of being left behind, both from my friends incessantly sending me highly curated things I’ll find funny and the trends that last microseconds but at the time feel of grave importance. I mean if I delete TikTok how will I know if we are Goblin Core, or Cottage Core, or Core Core? However, now almost a year down the line, I really haven’t lost anything from deleting the app. If anything, I’ve gained a lot including but not limited to, a deeply increased attention span, the ability to read books, less screen time, more of an ability to hold conversations, or even trains of thought in my own head. I’ve been wondering, now that I’ve entered my Shorts renaissance: what even is the point of TikTok? Why do we need it? What would happen if we all just logged off? Look, I know that’s not going to happen but I would encourage you to question, not in a preachy self-help way but more in a “hey. you deserve happiness! hugs and kisses — china!” way, what purpose does TikTok play in your life? If you find that purpose is a good one, then keep using the app! But for a lot of people, even the vast majority of people, I think actually thinking about what role TikTok plays in your day to day life gets very jarring very fast. But in the end, if you can’t remember what you saw 20, 10 or even 3 TikTok’s ago, it’s probably high time for some critical thinking and maybe some grass, or even a nice cactus. I won’t be one to talk though, I’m the one who actually uses Youtube Shorts. With the dedication of a New York Jets fan, I will defend Youtube Shorts. Yes, Shorts is stupid, and it’s feral, but we have to get off that bloody clock app before our brains cave in. Come on guys. It’s 2024. Let’s get some synapses back.