Queen found dead, leaving King unprotected

On September 8 2022 at Buckingham Palace, during a particularly heated game of chess between two anonymous guardsmen, the Queen was found deceased.

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On September 8 2022 at Buckingham Palace, during a particularly heated game of chess between two anonymous guardsmen, the Queen was found deceased, with the King now vulnerable to attacks from all sides.

The game began with a strong opening by Player One, utilising the Bordignon Maneuver of 1786, in which he moved one of his white pawns forward by two squares.

This move was swiftly undercut by Player Two’s astonishing display of chess knowhow, implementing the Strugatsky Shuffle of 1563. The Strugatsky Shuffle involves the strategic placement of the pawn parallel of the opening piece to a square a pace or two opposite.

The game was then off, with each player roaring through multiple moves that would have the most pitiful patzer weeping.

Knights to B-5s, Bishop’s to A-7s, Castles to C-Sections — not even Deep Blue could have predicted where this game was headed.

Alas, all things must come to an end, and with Player Two unleashing the Brukovskian Bite of 1999, it was all over. The Queen had fallen, and the King was left stranded to fend for himself amongst a battlefield of his fiendishly-faced foes.

With nowhere else to turn, he shifted the piece diagonally across the board. It was in vain, however, as a brisk swipe of the bishop left Player One check and mated.

A good game all around, with languishing losses and riveting triumphs.

In other news, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II passed away peacefully at Balmoral Castle surrounded by her close friends and family. Whether or not there were any grandmasters present remains unreported.