I love small bars! They’re peaceful sanctuaries of drinks, friends and a fun night out. They make you feel cool and hip because your friends have never been there before and woah what a cool spot thanks so much for showing us!

Sydney is chock-a-block full of small bars: rooftop bars, basement bars, dive bars and pubs. Themed bars, underground bars, speakeasies and bars hidden behind fake façades or down narrow passages only visible to those in the know. Fans of whiskey and bolo-ties alike are sure to love The Baxter Inn (who also make a killer Old Fashioned!), while any astrology girlies out there can get both a drink and a card reading at Employees Only, and Tokyo Bird offers a complete immersion into the wide world of Japanese whiskey. I’m not nearly arrogant enough to think I have the authority to rank all of Sydney’s small bars; that’s a fruitless mission for someone who rarely goes out to explore the concrete jungle of the CBD. However, I do have a different mission in mind: I want to pitch to you my own idea for a novelty small bar, using my innate knowledge of things that I personally like.

There are three things I look for in a novelty bar. Number One is the theme. In my opinion, the best small bars have a theme: a gimmick, you might call it. A niche, even. And the more quirky and more dedicated a bar is to following this gimmick, the better it is. I’m not here for a boring rooftop bar with a bunch of plants and something about a “garden” in the description; give me spice, give me history, give me genre, and pop-culture.

Number Two is dedication to said theme. I’m talking decor, music — hell, even uniforms! It’s all gotta match, and it’s all gotta immerse. I want to feel just like I’m in a cowboy saloon or an arcade game à la Tron Legacy. Bonus points to establishments that extend the theme to their bathrooms too.

Number Three is, of course, the drinks. Are their cocktails themed? Do they come in cool glasses, have bright colours, and have pun-based names? If you tick yes to all of these, you’re immediately on my good list.

My favourite novelty small bar in Sydney was a humble joint named Spawn Point. Just a short walk from Town Hall train station Spawn Point was a video game themed bar that offered a wide range of entertainment: from TV screens playing video game streamers, various board and card games, and even a bunch of video game consoles for you and your friends to play over drinks. Their cocktail menu was also brilliantly themed with several fun video game references, but my absolute favourite feature (and the one that took the most of my money) had to be their ‘d20 Shots’, which had you rolling a giant d20 dice for the chance to snag 1 of 20 different numbered shots on a fixed list. As with the rules of Dungeons and Dragons, the lower you rolled the less tasty your shot was while higher numbers got you the good stuff. I have very fond memories of rolling low and being forced to take a shot of tequila and tabasco sauce, or watching a friend be forced to down a dreaded “cement mixer”: a mix of Bailey’s and lime that turned to a congealed sludge in the mouth. The owners loved a good chat too, and were always open to music requests or competitions for free drinks. Overall, it was the perfect small bar to bring your friends to and have a nice night out.

I say “was” because in April Spawn Point sadly closed down to relocate and reopen sometime later in the year. As a result, there has been a hole left in my heart that can only be filled by fantasies of opening a small novelty bar of my own, and so here comes the pitch!

Imagine you’re walking through the crisp night air of the Sydney CBD. You and your friends are itching for a drink and some fun, but you don’t want to go to some overpriced nightclub that’s $30 for entry. As you multitask, walking and scrolling through your phone, you hear the faint pulsing of music. One of your friends mentions that they remember a cute little music bar being somewhere around here. Soon enough, you come across an establishment lit with bright pink neon, the music is louder here, and you recognise it to be a cheesy little pop anthem from the 2010s. In swirling neon the name “Shuffle Play” blinks at you.

Waltzing inside you’re welcomed by an almost overwhelming amount of pastel colours and neon lights. The walls are decorated with album covers and artist posters, all of them featuring iconic pop artists and groups. A visit to the bar (and a chat with the fabulously dressed bartenders) reveals that it’s their monthly Carly Rae Jepsen night, where they play nothing but the Canadian pop icon’s discography and have specialty themed cocktails. Your friend takes a liking to an immensely sweet bright pink concoction topped with rainbow sour straps aptly called the “Call Me Maybe” while you’re drawn to the less flashy, smoother apple flavours of the “Julien” that comes in a simple martini glass. Further inquiries inform you that they also do Taylor Swift nights, Doja Cat nights, Little Mix nights and more. The vibes are chill, the music slaps, the drinks are great, and you manage to snap some cute photos in front of the various neon light and mural displays. All in all, it’s a great night out.

Cool idea right? And while I may never have the business acumen to ever actually start it up, the fun is all in creating it. Give it a go yourselves — remembering to follow my three simple requirements, of course — and you’re sure to make a smash hit!

Something novel: A helpful guide to creating your own Sydney small bar

Sydney is chock-a-block full of small bars.