A holy war rages in Sydney

Their battleground? The city’s most popular nightclub venues.

This weekend saw droves of young adults hit the Sydney CBD adorned in a variety of costumes. Most common of which — an angel and a devil.

But do not be fooled. While these may look to be ordinary women with halos, horns and wings, these are but their humanoid disguises. In actuality, they are divine creatures staging a holy war. Their battleground? The city’s most popular nightclub venues.

Halloween parties at venues such as The Ivy, Scary Canary, Establishment and USyd’s very own Manning have been torn asunder by these apotheosised creatures. 

Why take on such recognisable and inconspicuous forms? Their war is being waged in secret. In the pushing and shoving of our most dangerous mosh pits, in the quiet sniffles of bathroom cubicles, and in the most crammed of Uber rides. Their battle is one of another plein, beyond our limited human understanding. If we were to see their true forms, like Lot’s wife, we may turn to pillars of salt, or be driven mad due to the sheer complexity of their existence.

These are demons attempting to claw their way back up from the Underworld. Angels prevent their ascension, while humanity is caught in the crossfires.

The angels, fronted by the Army of St. Maroun’s, have had made great strides in the battle, but look to be on the defensive as the devils have called upon all the ghoulish creatures our imagination can muster that live just on the peripheries of what is possible — ghosts, vampires, Patrick Bateman and Squid Game, the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

To quote the 1978 classic film, Dawn of the Dead, “When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.”

These creatures will all show their true forms tonight, on Halloween. Lock your doors and make sure to leave any candy outside.

The end is nigh!