The yoghurt paradox

A Yoghurt’s recipe contains infinite, heretofore unfathomable alternate dimensions.

Image Credit: Harry Gay

Choosing to suspend my disbelief is constant charity work, indulging the illusory whims of alleged figures around “me”. One must set aside the notion absolutes can be suspended. If belief is a spectrum, then disbelief isn’t. Atheists do not suspend their theism; they don’t have any.

For any sense of progression and order, one looks to axioms: Unimpeachable certainties that enable us to develop memes, like language, which are then used to articulate how apocryphal axioms are. 

A word’s definition is not adequate if said word is used within. Buried under every Macquarie (meaning: “Son of a Ditch”?) Dictionary is an inevitable nucleus that only exists under the manifestation of a self-referential paradox, an unprovable definition.

The first axiom I learnt was in primary school: “The shortest distance between any two points is a straight line”.

I was offended by this concept: “I live in Sydney. What’s a straight line?”

“What do you expect me to do? Kill myself so I can walk through walls as a ghost? As a five year old, I’m expected to find means for matter to occupy the same space as other matter, or purposefully warp space-time, like how I’ve hastily folded this debilitating handout?”.

The Mothers in my neighbourhood started making their own Yoghurt as a means to brandish their new Thermomixes®.

A Yoghurt’s recipe contains infinite, heretofore unfathomable alternate dimensions. My stomach awaited the anxious joy of information only French engineering, mass produced with German engineering, could unlock. The Mothers recited: 

“The first step in any yoghurt recipe is to go to your grocer, and buy some yoghurt”. My score of axiom-built experience is eviscerated. Nothing is.

To make yoghurt, one must have yoghurt.

The actual final product is considered a raw ingredient within itself. Is every batch of Yoghurt more Yoghurty than the last, in this recursive fractal? How is something described and heralded by others, my whole life, unprovable, untraceable to any axiom other than just “Yoghurt”?

This is new. In other disbeliefs, there’s been a chronology; people (sentient or not) will attest to their truths. Yoghurt manifested itself; there isn’t even an origin to the façade. There is no less safe outcome, if I want security in the society I indulge.

Is it a Bootstrap Object, a self-reference famous in time travel?

The year 51,678 AACE, the last Tub of Yoghurt is preserved in the Chronogerator section of New Scottstralanadan’s local Cowalldis’ CyberFarms. The last Quecto-Tub of Jersey-Sleeve Bovine+ Yoghurt is transported back in time, approximately 5000 years before the birth of this writer’s suspended messiah, ensuring the founding of their mighty cultured empire. 

This restores some security. It’s a closed loop, thus exists independently from our reality. It isn’t a loss of order, it’s another thing, altogether. The idea to send it back in time only exists because it was.

The Lactobacillus found in Yoghurt — ideal for stimulating the serotonin in our gut, and creating a healthy bowel biome — either reverted to its 5000 BCE state, suggesting its competitions and symbiotic partners had all lost their mutations suited to that state, precisely when Yoghurt was sent back… 

or, Lactobacillus never evolves, but refuses to be phased-out. Suspended in Time… Suspended in Disbelief.