A new and improved Sydney marathon

If you’re really committed to Sydney joining the prestigious ranks of the six ‘Majors’, there must be a radical route change. 

Image Credit: Harry Gay

Dear Athletics Australia, 

Congratulations! Sydney is officially in the running to become the next ‘World Marathon Major’ — joining six other cities as the world’s most elite marathons. 

But the race is looking competitive. If you’re really committed to Sydney joining the prestigious ranks of the six ‘Majors’, there must be a radical route change. 

Picture this: we start at Bradfield Park as usual, crossing the Harbour Bridge into the city. The NYC Marathon is already known for starting on the Verrazzono-Narrows Bridge, but at least nobody will be peed on. In NYC, when runners on the upper tier relieve themselves of their pre-race nerves, those on the bottom suffer. Then again, I’m sure there’s nothing quite like urinating from the tallest steel arch bridge in the world, overlooking the beautiful view of the harbour. 

After a couple kms, it’s time for our runners to replenish their electrolytes by indulging in Marrickville’s best breweries. At the Marathon du Médoc, they serve you French wine; at the Liège Marathon, they serve you Belgian beer. What better way to promote Australian tourism than a morning pub crawl?

Enjoy a schooner at 10km, skull a pint at 12km, and top off the big 15 with a shoey. Make Bob Hawke proud.

Then take a boozy 8.4km detour to Centennial Park and pay homage to the Welsh tradition, as you race horses from the Equestrian Centre. 

Before heading to Coogee near the 30km mark, runners will be reminded that they “must run in their thongs from Coogee to Bondi.” Save the Nike Vaporfly for Berlin.

Now the final stretch. As we approach the Opera House, applaud yourself for running away from your quarter-life crisis. 

If you follow my proposed plan, Sydney will be chosen as a Major.

Signed,

A proud one-time Sydney half-marathon finisher.