Remember when conversations, or group reminiscing, is a form of idle talk that taps into the collective nostalgia of any group with some semblance of history.

Long before bots officially overtook Twitter, the platform was dominated by bot-like “relatable” accounts spewing easily-retweetable one-liners. Among this genre of tweet, there is a specific motif I’d like to draw your attention to, it goes something like:

when you and your friends start having those “remember when” conversations

>>>> (24.2k Retweets, 143k Likes)

Remember when conversations, or group reminiscing, is a form of idle talk that taps into the collective nostalgia of any group with some semblance of history. Such conversations begin with one group member bringing up an experience or memory shared by the group, and this triggers a torrential downpour of “oh, and when…” that dominate the next hour and a half.

There is an undeniably escapist quality about these trips down memory lane. These conversations do not require active listening nor thinking 一 they always assure laughter as well-worn jokes take up the space between awkward lulls. I’ve had this occur in group chat DMs, at brunch with friends, at dinners with family, during breaks with coworkers…simply no dynamic is spared. Collective reminiscing offers validation in knowing that everyone else had your same experience and anchors a sense of community.

Recently, I’ve found these conversations decreasingly nostalgic and, simultaneously, increasingly exhausting. In season 6, episode 15 of The Sopranos – titled ‘Remember When’ 一 Tony Soprano sums up my fatigue succinctly: "remember when is the lowest form of conversation.” I particularly feel this way with people whom I’ve distanced from and no longer relate to; where group reminiscing acts as a last resort of connection, a grasp at something that was once much stronger. In such conversational desperation, trodding upon well-travelled grounds provides a safety net of belonging, even if artificial and temporary.

This phenomenon is especially apparent when you’re an outsider wrung into the conversation by a mutual friend. Remember when isolates outsiders from contributing; limiting the diversity of perspectives within a conversation as each memory opens up for the next. It becomes clearer than ever how such conversations perpetuate the restrictions of each member’s place in the overall group dynamic.

In her Twitter thread criticising this trope, cultural commentator @fangmeli argues that it boils down to listing events of an experience. Though harsher than my standpoint, Meli raises a valid perspective. At some point, it is incredibly boring to revisit the same memories, to sand them down until they become a flat plateau, to attempt chewing on a flavour that has long dissolved – only to repeat the same interactions the next time we meet.

Of course, not every conversation needs to be generative or mind-blowingly insightful. Group reminiscing doesn’t imply that the group has run dry of new dynamics and complexities to explore. Sometimes indulging in light, pointless conversations is all you need. Still, when I’m not creating anything new, anything to look back upon with the same glee and exuberance: what is the point of reminiscing?

Remember when we had things to say