The Children Yearn for the Bakery
The following are all facts I thought I would divulge to nobody, that I would take with me to the grave. I had a surprising level of dedication as a member of the senior management of a now defunct Roblox café, Bakiez. For those not yet familiar with the genre, it was basically a café, with real (unpaid) employees (children), taking orders, making (pixelated) food and drinks, and a system of training and interviewing employees (again, children). These games used to dominate the platform, and within them, the managers were king. Having that little ‘10 | Management’ badge below my stupid username gave me the most power I ever had and will ever have in my life.
I first started playing these games whilst scrolling through the platform and clicking on a questionable name, because what the fuck is a Bakiez. I approach the long line of cashiers, staring into the cashier’s empty black eyes as they spew out a frankly, intimidating speech bubble to me.
“Salutations! Welcome to Bakiez Bakery 🍪🧁, I hope you are having a splendid day. My name is XxRebecca, and I will be your cashier today. What may I get you started with? The order limit is 3.”
Nothing could have prepared me for those grammatically perfect sentences being spat out at me. Safe to say, at that moment I opened up the Bakiez Trello (Yes, they used Trello to plan business activities) and attended the next training shift.
Words can't explain how a Bakiez training session feels, you simply had to be there. Racing to get into the server before it locks. Seeing the others in my group get kicked out for the most menial reasons, like not using correct grammar (which we were EXPECTED to use at all times, without exception, to the point of putting full stops after a smiley face or emoji), or cracking a joke, gave my little underdeveloped prefrontal cortex a new goal in life. I must become one of them.
To rank up to a staff assistant, you must first sink an ungodly amount of time into the game to gain enough bakery points, and then attend the staff assistant interviews. They had me up at 5:30 AM to hopefully make it into the server in time, grab a chair, and have a chance to join the management team. I had set about 5 alarms, silently praying my shitty Australian Wi-Fi wouldn’t fail me now. I was eventually pulled into probably the most stressful job interview of my life. I got out of the interview, quite literally, shaking. If I didn’t get this role, my Bakiez career would be over. I remember being on a school camping trip, when I saw the Discord announcement. I was officially on my come-up, a calibre above. I was no longer a mere cashier, I was a damn ‘8 | Staff Assistant’ at Bakiez Bakery. And nobody knew it.
Naturally, I developed a monumental superiority complex in the period of time I was a staff assistant. I was eventually picked to be a supervisor, which only exacerbated the problem. I now sported my shiny new Bakiez management badge, and became the perfect power-tripping 12 year old, telling off all the other inferior 12 year olds. I was no longer the trainee, I was the trainer.
I attended many, many training sessions in my time, which I still remember fondly. I have vivid memories of doing these trainings on holiday overseas, and one time I left a sleepover early in order to attend an 11:30 AM training session. I sunk hours and hours into Bakiez, and I’ll say it, I made that pixelated bakery my bitch.
However, the interactions with the lower ranks was not what made the experience so uncanny. The inner circle of Bakiez management might be the most cult-like organisation I had ever found myself in. Everybody was acting far more mature than they were, and no less abusing thesaurus.com. It was no longer ‘Hi,’ it was ‘Salutations.’ If you said ‘sorry’ instead of ‘apologies’ in 2018-19 Bakiez, I hate to break it to you, but you aren't cut out for this, kid. Go back to playing MEGA FUN OBBY 100+ STAGES, and let the real rank 10s run the show.
The politics of that Discord server was nothing short of insane. If you thought this was a silly Roblox game then you were sorely mistaken. Bakiez had a Trello, an expansive code of conduct for management, a leave application system, and scandals of admin abuse to name a few. Some resignation letters I read during my time made me realise that these kids did not play games despite the fact we were literally playing games. If you slipped up with grammar, went AFK for too long during training, or even stood in the wrong place, it was over for you.
I would love to share with you a few snippets from a management address from the Chief Staff Officer to give a small glimpse into the world I was living in circa 2019.
‘Our next reforms are in 4 months and we will be terminating those who have been acting up regardless of your activity. We really couldn’t care if you have 200 sessions. You need to step up your maturity, otherwise, you will immediately be removed from your position regardless of whether you’re a leader, an active management member, or not. Look to your higher authorities or successful management leaders if you want examples on how to remain professional while also having fun; control yourselves and control your boundaries. If you act up, you will be terminated.’
Eventually, life caught up to me. I was unable to deal with lockdown mental illness (don’t lie, we all had it), learning about parabolas, and my, frankly, very taxing unpaid Roblox management position. I sent in my required resignation 2 weeks in advance, with guilt-tripping-required questions such as: ‘Why am I resigning?’, ‘Is it a personal problem or one that can be easily fixed?’ Or my personal favourite, ‘How can I avoid thinking about resignation in the future?’
Bakiez is now defunct. I have no idea why, or how, but I think it has something to do with the fact the owner went to college. The bakery is now locked, a relic of the past – my past. Café games on Roblox have now fallen into obscurity and frankly, I mourn their loss. That was a core experience of my late childhood, and I would love to pay it forward (with maybe less corruption and child labour). I can only hope that the new Ikea Roblox work scheme is not met with the same problems, and if they need a helping hand, I will gladly put that management badge back on with pride.
Rest easy Bakiez. You touched all our hearts (virtually).