Everything is Already so Dramatic That We Are Literally Going to Set the Stage

The Professorial Boardroom, 5.04pm. Rain patters against the stained glass, reflecting the contorted faces of the student politicians flooding the room. Hushed murmuring of words like “proxy”, “Labor bloc” and “quorum” can be heard.

MICHAEL ELLIOTT: Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?

LIAM CARRIGAN: That depends, who’s asking?

MICHAEL ELLIOTT: Well sure, sir…

Wait, hold on, that’s hit historical Broadway musical Hamilton. Well look, you get the picture.

Nonetheless, RepsElect v2.0 looks like it will contain all the trimmings and fatal pistol duels of the sell-out success. So far, PULP has heard mutterings of a supermajority deal struck between members of the broad left: NLS, SLS, Grassroots and Socialist Alternative. This leaves the Liberals and Unity out in the cold - quite literally, considering their half of the room is as barren as the fields of the Battle of Yorktown (No promises that I will stop with the Hamilton references any time soon).

Since PULP has stumbled upon a certain document that will have quite an influence over the proceedings tonight, we have decided to share it in the interest of transparency (we thought it would be fitting to include a #stupol buzzword):

How To Train Your Councillors - 6:16pm

Secretary to the Council Julia Robins has made a helpful little graph to show how Affirmative Action works, considering the confusion during the last RepsElect meeting:

Following on from previous drama, further action has been taken against Liam Carrigan, who was previously ejected from the room. He has been publicly accused of publishing a threat of violence toward Paulene Graham and a number of other councillors, and has therefore been banned from the meeting.

On with the meeting! The first election of the night is the much-coveted Education Officer, and considering the the university is undergoing a major restructure next year, this role will be particularly important. The nominees are April Holcombe and Jenna Schrodes, as well as previously elected Edward McCann, who is not in attendance tonight. PULP’s prediction will be Holcombe and Schrodes, considering the currently present supermajority of the broad left.

Paulene announces that Holcombe-Schrodes are elected Education Officers in what will no doubt be a long procession of wins from the broad left.

Things are Going Smoothly, and My Popcorn Doesn’t Taste as Good Without the Drama - 6:30pm

Now onto the election for the Vice President of the SRC. If you, like me, are having serious Déjà vu, then fret not. We’re in for a long night. James Gibson and Iman Farrar are against Ed McCann in vying for the Vice Presidential position, and, similarly to our last election, McCann is bested by the left bloc and the position has been awarded to the Gibson-Farrar joint application.

The election of the General Secretary is announced, and previously nominated members Kim Murphy, along with Daniel Ergas and Isabella Pytka are announced. Dylan Williams and Alex Fitton are also announced, however given the highly publicised affirmative action scandal against Fitton, Williams has been announced as a single candidate. SLS’s Pytka and Grassroots’ Ergas are unanimously elected as co-General Secretaries.

The nominations for the General Executive is announced as Adam Boidin, Samuel Chu, Patrick Ryan, Chloe Rafferty, Irene Oh, Ella Bickley and Liam Donohue. These are all very likely to be elected as announced.

As glad as I am that the meeting seems to be moving swiftly, there is still a part of me that is waiting for the police to be called, or someone’s phone to be stolen, or the lights to be cut. I look around at the bored faces of all the other student politicians and feel a pang of regret. Does anyone know Alex Fitton’s phone number?

Bickley, Ryan, Oh, Chu and Donohue are elected.

There is Finally Some Yelling. Briefly. - 6:52pm

Julia Robins has started yelling at councillors to shut up so that Paulene can make an announcement. My blood pressure rushes. Finally some excitement. The room quietens again. I miss the thrill immediately.

The nominations for women’s officer are called, including Katie Thorburn and Imogen Grant, as well as Kim Murphy. Grant and Thorburn are elected again, following the procedure of the last RepsElect.

The election of the welfare officers is announced, and the joint ticket of Campbell-Poulos and Gregg-McMenamin are elected.

Ethnocultural officer nominations come swiftly along, with Radha Wahyuwidayat and Maddy Ward, Sophia Chung and Gavin Stanbrook all nominating. What will happen? Who will be elected? Nobody is fighting. Swetha arrives with M&M’s. Highlight of the night.

Wahyuwidayat and Ward, and Chung are elected. I take another M&M.

As international student officers are announced, Will Edwards comes by and I decide to shake things up. Journalistically, of course. I have now taken it upon myself, out of total boredom, to host my own ‘best dressed’ of RepsElect. Edwards has so far taken the lead by directly addressing the atmosphere of the room.

Fang and Wang, and Ng and Kong take out the international student officer positions. Julia Robins announces that “this is the nicest RepsElect ever”. Another M&M.

I’m now Anna Wintour, folks.

Environment officer nominations are announced as Lily Campbell, Andy Mason and Maushmi Powar, Jody Hall and Seth Dias, Dominic McDonald and Jake WIlliams. Hall-Dias and Mason-Powar are elected, with the first loud noise in the room is made: applause. Paulene reminds the councillors that statutory declarations must be signed in order for these office-bearer position to be confirmed.

Global solidarity officer nominations are then called, and someone up the back shouts out “what do they do again?”. It’s raucous. Crazy. An actual question from the audience? In jest, no less? I love it. I’m living for the drama.

I have now officially given the title of Best Dressed in RepsElect to SLS’s Aidy Magro, who always seems to look flawless. They are the embodiment of style and grace.

Fahad Ali comes over and asks me to add to the live blog that he’s withdrawing from global solidarity officer because he has a boyfriend in Melbourne. I don’t really understand. I remember that time that I told everyone in year five that I had a boyfriend in another school, but nobody knew them. I didn’t. I’m so sorry, Fahad. You’ll find the one for you someday.

Delete Your Account. - 7:25pm

Both nominations, Chan-Bethune and Jacob Masina, are elected unopposed as intercampus officer. In order to oust a Liberal from an SRC position, the entire rooms decides to re-hold the election of the position. Parvathi Subramaniam offers to nominate for the position on a whim, and Chan-Buthane and Subramaniam are elected. Democracy is dead, folks. Paulene starts eating her cheese and crackers in a more nihilistic manner than usual. Don’t ask me how, she just does.

Lmao re-doing an election because @c0rnonthejacob (a liberal) got elected? Seems like a theme tonight. #democracy #repselect
— Edward McCann (@EdwardMcCann2) November 23, 2016

Holding an entire meeting again because I got elected education officer? You shouldn't have 😘 #repselect
— Edward McCann (@EdwardMcCann2) November 23, 2016

It appears that although the room itself has been somewhat demure tonight, it appears that Unity isn’t holding back in the twittersphere. Unity member Michael Elliott appears to be tweeting up a storm, calling for the resignation of certain members of the Labor party:

True Colours are Shown

Georgia Eltnam, presidential candidate under the brand of Power! for SRC decided mid-way during the meeting to wear the campaign shirt of her political rival, Stand Up. It causes a stir as she cried “I just love the Labor party!” Although Aidy’s mum’s post about how proud she is of her son for being featured here has completely melted our hearts, we are offering a joint title of ‘best dressed’ to both Eltnam and Magro.

Nominations for queer officer are announced as Andrea Zephyr and William Edwards, along with Connor Parissis. All three are elected.

Mollie Galvin, Hannah Makris and Noa Zulman are elected as disability officers. Vinil Kumar and Cameron Hawkins are elected as mature age officers. Elder-Bethune, Murphy-Picone and Edward Bruce are nominated for the position, and Elder-Bethune and Murphy-Picone are elected as social justice officers. Time drags on. I now have salt and vinegar chips in front of me. Where is all this food coming from? It’s all from Swetha. Thanks, Swetha.

The Future of #RepsElect? - 8:21pm

It appears that this year’s ‘Representatives Elect’ meeting has been both the most calm and kindest meeting of the SRC in some years. For example, this year has seen the first time that collective autonomy has not been breached in at least three years. Given that this meeting was born in the shadow of collective autonomy being breached and a cis-male misappropriating affirmative action, let’s hope that this RepsElect is a trend that will continue. Or maybe… not.

Pytka, Jha, Dillon Britton, Ursino and Thorburn are elected as Directors of Student Publications. Two of these were either on or managing the Sin for Honi ticket this year. At least they’re still throwing their hats in the ring. How cute. Gold star for you guys.

Fin.

We’re done. It’s over. We’re going home. It is twenty past eight and it appears that everybody is deeply uncomfortable not having hurled insults or shouted ‘shame’ across the factional divide. It is an unsettled, eerily peaceful calm.

Goodnight, folks.

LIVE BLOG: PULP does Repselect 2016... again