PULP GOSS: A Liberal Stouche at The Royal Hotel, The Great Betrayal, and Who Brought Coal to Mock Parliament?

By Pulp Goss

The First Rule of Fight Club is You Do Not Talk About Fight Club

Ah, the Royal Hotel. The only watering hole in close proximity to campus where one may find members of the left and right wing campus factions drinking and feasting on $10 steaks in harmonious coexistence. Who dare disturb the peace of this glorious bipartisan drinking house? A certain Will Jeffries, of course. 

Pulp is reliably informed that Jeffries, accompanied by a modest entourage of his soft right brethren, had a rather heated exchange with moderate James Ardouin. This verbal spat was apparently focused on the topics of abortion and immigration. We are abhorred that the sanctity of the Royal Hotel be disturbed with such impolite conversation. 

Coal? In My Mock Parliament?  

A certain member of the “moderate” liberals on campus brought a lump of coal to mock parliament. A snowball would have perhaps been more appropriate, given the political history of their presidential candidate. 

TREASON!

Certain members of our most honoured literary institution are planning to defect to the other side, with editor Madeline Ward, and senior reporters Emma Goldrick and Austen Hunt, all running in the upcoming election for our most sworn upon and hated rival Honi Soit. As a result of this most hideous and vile treachery, and in the name of journalistic integrity, editor Ward will henceforth be conflicted off all further reporting in the Honi Soit election. The shame!