Joe Fidler: candidate profile and interview

Pulp sits down with the USU Board hopefuls.

Faction: Independent

Slogan: A Return to Decency

Colour: Beige

Manager: James Wily

Degree: “Double Degree In Life from the University of The Street”

Quiz score: 9%, 9th out of 10.

Fidler brought a platter of fresh oysters and two Monster Energy drinks to his Pulp interview as a generous gift to the editors: “a great pairing,” he said. But the unusual culinary marriage is also an apt metaphor for the unconventional duality that Fidler may just bring to the hallowed tables of the USU boardroom. Complimenting a delicacy with the immediate physiological benefits of consuming an unhealthy amount of caffeine typifies Fidler’s determined pursuit of both class and practicality with complete disregard for the status quo. This pursuit shapes his policies.

Fidler’s headline policy is to frack the quadrangle and profit from the obscene amounts of natural gas he claims lies beneath the surface. His second policy is also unapologetically practical. He wants to concrete over the grass on campus and paint it green to save money on gardening. Fidler’s third mentioned policy is to introduce school uniforms as part of his broader effort to Return to Decency.

Fidler also wants to “cram all the student politicians” into Bosch Theatre and not let them leave until they “sort out their differences”. “It would probably take the day,” he said.

When questioned about his COVID-19 recovery plan, Fidler appropriated the national motto of France: “Fraternité, égalité, doggos, and celebrities… I’m gonna bring doggos and celebrities to campus to solve COVID-19 - it’s the only way”.

Fidler’s compelling and innovative platform may just attract a surprising number of votes.

Voting opens 9:00am May 17 and closes 5:00pm May 21. Voting is exclusive to USU members, who will be sent an email to submit their vote. Sign up here.

Watch the full interview below. 

 Article by Fabian Robertson.