HOW TO: Get Absolutely Wasted at Welcome Week Without Seriously Injuring Yourself in the Process

By Madeline Ward

The USU and Pulp encourage the responsible consumption of alcohol

It’s Welcome Week, and with Welcome Week comes parties, cheap alcohol, and the overwhelming desire to get absolutely blotto. Whether you’re a fresh young first year or a 6th year arts student, there’s a chance you’ll be wanting to get absolutely wasted this week. I neither condone nor condemn such behaviours, but offer my advice (and the advice of health professionals) on how to do so safely, and how to recover from the raging hangover in time for your first class on Monday morning.

Eat

Get dinner before you head out. Newtown is lined with iconic spots for a pre-session dinner: Thai La Hong, Chinese Noodle House, Stekis and The Italian Bowl being four of many places you can get a feed before your night begins. Bonus points for anywhere that lets you BYO, so you can pair that $4 bottle of cleanskin rose with something tasty. Alcohol enters your bloodstream much faster on an empty stomach, so eating something before (and during!) your night is a handy way to make sure you don’t peak early.

Don’t Go Too Hard At Pre-drinks

We’ve all been there. The 1.25 L bottle of Little Fat Lamb Brewed Ginger staring at you invitingly from the fridge at the King St BWS. For only $8 you can knock yourself out before the night’s even begun. As tempting as this may sound, I can assure you with absolute confidence that this is a terrible idea. Going too hard at pre-drinks will only end in regret and vomit, as well as give you an early reputation as a bit of a light weight. Have a dignified couple of glasses before you head out, and head to a Welcome Week party with a bar tab if you’re looking to save cash.

Pace Yourself

Water !! Every !! Hour !! will lessen your hangover and keep you hydrated. Don’t fear! Drinking water won’t stop you from getting drunk, but it will make for a less regrettable evening when you wake up in the morning slightly more hydrated than you otherwise would be. Health professionals generally advise that you consume no more than one standard drink per hour, which I am keenly aware is advice that no-one reading (or writing) this will follow. Do keep in mind that your body can only really process one standard drink per hour, and pace yourself accordingly.

Do Not, For the Love of God, Ask For Mixed Shots

Shooters, slammers, whatever you want to call them, are never a good idea. Most bartenders hate making them, anyway, and ordering something like a “wet pussy” will put you on a shit list at the best of times. Ordering shots of anything like Jagermeister, Midori, Fireball or Alize will also probably put you on an RSA watchlist. All of the aforementioned are undeniably delicious, and therein lies their danger: it’s incredibly easy to do several shots of the above without realising just how drunk you are. Stick to shots of straight spirits and stop yourself from doing anything too stupid.

Make Sure Your Prescription Medication Isn’t Going to Fuck You Up

Some prescription medications, like antibiotics and antidepressants, should not be mixed with alcohol. Check with your doctor or pharmacist if you’re concerned or unsure if what you’ve been prescribed falls into this category.

Don’t Be a Dickhead

Don’t be rude to bar or security staff. Don’t be a creep. Respect consent and bodily autonomy. Don’t do anything that puts your own or anyone else’s safety at major risk. If you don’t think you can get drunk without doing any of the above things, then maybe alcohol just isn’t for you.

Look Out For Your Mates (and Make Sure They Behave)

If you’re planning to get munted, it’s a good idea to strategise beforehand so that you know what to do if any issues arise: who to call, how to get your friends home and what they need when they’re too drunk. If any situation arises where someone is in need of medical assistance, call 000. Likewise, make sure that you’re keeping your mates accountable if they start acting up. If your friend is being a creep, tell them off. If they’re being a total asshole to hospitality staff, tell them to calm down. It’s good to make sure everyone is safe and is having a good time at point throughout the evening. It’s 2019, and being a good friend is cool now.

The Hangover

There’s no real way you can avoid this. You can, however, plan in advance to make it slightly easier. If you know you’ll be waking up at home, leave out a bottle of water and a pack of painkillers to ease a throbbing headache, and stock your pantry with lots of snacks. If you’re unsure of where exactly you’ll be waking up, put a pack of painkillers and a berocca twist n go in your bag for the morning. If you’re planning on making the weekend a bender: have a shower, drink a coffee, and get yourself to the nearest bar or restaurant where you can get a bloody mary and something greasy. Godspeed and Good Luck, my friend.