Ask Me Anything: Questions for Connection in Isolation
Nicolette Petra
Whether you’re suffering from cabin fever or you’ve figured out a workable routine over the past month of isolation, it’s almost certain that you’ve felt the effects of social distancing. Maybe you’ve been feeling a little (or a lot) more low than usual. Maybe seeing loved ones over video chats has you feeling grateful but lonely as soon as you hit ‘End Call’. Even those of us who are doing their best to stay in touch with loved ones and schedule online social events are undoubtedly noticing that some friends and family aren’t feeling quite themselves. Unfortunately, going through moments, hours, and days of feeling lonely and disconnected is a new norm that we are all trying our best to adjust to.
First, it’s important to acknowledge that feeling this way - feeling any way - at this time is okay and valid. We’re enduring a global pandemic, an economic crisis, political tensions, an endlessly repetitive news cycle, and social withdrawals among any number of other personal worries. This is a moment of collective trauma. Try to be gentle, compassionate, and patient both with yourself and others.
With that said, it can be hard to know what to talk about over text message, phone or video calls when almost every day is the same.
https://twitter.com/terrishawxox/status/1248354024426004482
Sure, there are Netflix Parties, virtual Cards Against Humanity and Dungeons and Dragons, Scribblio, and House Party trivia nights, but there’s only so much connection that can come from these social interactions. At some point, you may start craving something a little deeper.
There’s a solution to this sense of disconnection: vulnerability.
In 2015, the New York Times published an article about psychologist Arthur Aron’s (et al) 36 Questions That Lead to Love, which “explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions.”
In 2018, Jubilee Media used the questions as part of their own social experiment, where they paired two strangers together and had them ask each other questions.
Now, before you jump to conclusions, don’t worry - these questions aren’t a trap to make you fall helplessly in love with someone as the name suggests. They’re merely a way of breaking the ice, of scratching the surface and coming to know someone a little better.
But if the word ‘love’ is a little too daunting for you, I suggest the card game We’re Not Really Strangers which also runs in the get-to-know-you-better vein. Model and photojournalist, Koreen created the game “with the intention of empowering meaningful connections with others.” During quarantine several celebrities including model Hailey Beiber, Noah Centineo (To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before), and Penn Badgley (Gossip Girl, You) have taken up the game and spoken about their experiences via Instagram Live. You can buy the game here, or head to We’re Not Really Strangers for the recently released free online Quarantine Edition of the game.
While it may seem contrived or forced to use prompts to stimulate conversation, I can attest first hand that these sorts of questions are a great way to get to know someone. Towards the end of last year I was on a two-hour road trip with a close friend. Come the end of the drive and the 36th question, we knew things about each other we had never thought to ask before. Of course, these sorts of question games only work if you’re willing to be vulnerable, honest and respectful of the person or people you’re playing with. But in a time when we’re all far apart, a little honesty over a long video call can go a long way.
After several iso video calls with friends where these sorts of question games have arisen, I can safely say my friends and I know each other on a far deeper level than ever before despite not being able to physically see each other.
What’s been interesting is that these questions beg follow-up questions. They’re like rabbit holes. As such, I’ve come up with a long categorised list of my own questions inspired by the two questionnaires and many isolation conversations I’ve had. Feel free to use them in your solo or group chats with mates, an online date, or in-person with your housemates or family members.
And remember: you aren’t alone, we’re in this together.
PAST
What has been one of the best and one of the worst moments of your life so far?
What’s the best sporting moment you've ever had? Not sporty? Tell me about the best moment you had doing something you love.
What were you like in school?
What were your favourite and worst subjects and why?
What was the best part of your childhood?
What’s a memory you have with your family members that you love?
What’s been your proudest moment?
How about an embarrassing moment?
What’s been the best and worst birthday you’ve ever had?
What’s been your most spontaneous day/night out?
Have you ever had a wish come true? What was it?
PRESENT
How have you been dealing with everything during quarantine? How are you, really?
What’s your favourite time of day? Why?
Are you an early bird or night owl? Has your sleep schedule been scrambled during quarantine?
Have you had vivid dreams recently? What’s a memorable/crazy dream you’ve had?
What’s a pet peeve of yours?
What’s a bad habit you have? Have you tried to break it? Would you try again?
How do you take your coffee/tea?
Fill in the blanks: ___ is overrated and ___ is underrated.
What's a question you've always wanted someone to ask you?
What has been a good and not so good part about quarantine for you? Can I help make the not so good part a bit better in any way?
What’s your stance on smoking/drugs/tattoos/piercings? Have you ever experimented? Would you ever do/get any of these?
Do you have any hobbies?
What’s been keeping you occupied during quarantine?
What’s a talent/skill I don’t know you have?
What’s a talent/skill you wish you had?
Do you have a favourite colour? What is it and why? Has it always been that?
What is something that someone has said to you that’s stuck with you?
Is there something you wish you knew last week/month/year?
When you make a wish (like with birthday cake candles) what do you wish for?
Can you tell me something no one knows about you?
FUTURE
Do you have a vision for what you want your future to look like?
Do you have a 5-year plan? Tell me about it?
What do you want out of life?
Do you want to be famous one day? Have you ever wanted to be? What would you want to be known for?
Bucket list time - what’s one thing you absolutely have to do before you die? What’s something you’ve already checked off your bucket list?
FRIENDSHIP
Do you have a best friend? How did you meet? Tell me 3 things you love about them (if it’s the person you’re playing with, show ‘em some love)
What did you think of me when we first met?
Did you have an imaginary friend as a child?
What’s the most important trait a friend can have?
How can we become closer friends?
LOVE
What’s your ideal first date?
What’s the best date you’ve ever been on? How about the worst?
Can you tell me about a past relationship or almost-relationship you’ve had?
Who’s your celebrity crush? What do you like about them?
Do you want a relationship? If so, what’s your ideal relationship look/feel like?
What is the sweetest thing someone’s ever done for you?
Are you in a relationship now? What was your meet cute? What’s something you like about the person you’re with?
Have you ever fallen in love?
Have you ever been heartbroken?
Are you still not over someone?
Do you have any deal-breakers?
What do you believe: one true love or multiple potential matches?
Have you ever tried dating apps? What’s your stance on online dating? If you’ve been on the apps during quarantine, what’s a funny story that’s happened to you?
FOOD
What’s your favourite restaurant? If I went, what would you recommend I order?
What’s the first restaurant you’re going to visit post-quarantine?
What’s been your snack of choice during quarantine?
What’s a meal you love? What about one you hate?
Do you have any allergies? If so, tell me a story about an allergic reaction you’ve had.
Can you cook? What’s your go-to meal?
MUSIC
What’s a song you could play on repeat forever?
What’s a song that means a lot to you?
What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to?
Who’s concert do you want to go to?
Can you play an instrument? If yes, can you play me a piece?
What’s your favourite music genre? Why?
What’s a song that defined your childhood? Teen years? Love life?
What’s one of your favourite songs that you can think of off the top of your head?
What’s a song you always skip?
What song gets you in the zone every time? What’s a song you can’t help but tear up to? A song that lifts you up? A song that grounds you? etc.
Who’s your favourite musician? Who’s a musician you can’t stand?
Share a playlist with each other on Spotify (or your listening platform of choice)
TRAVEL
What has been the most magical place you’ve travelled to?
What’s the best holiday you’ve ever been on?
Have you ever had a holiday nightmare/fought with someone while travelling? Was the issue resolved?
What’s a specific place you really want to travel to?
What’s a meal you had while travelling that you wish you could have again?
VOCATION
What was your first job?
Have you ever quit before? Was it hard to do? Did it involve a dramatic storming-out moment?
What’s your dream job? Is it the same as when you were a child?
Would you move interstate or overseas for work?
Are you currently working? If so, where and do you like it?
Has your work been affected by quarantine? Are you working from home or have you recently been let go of?
BOOKS/MOVIES/TV/SOCIAL MEDIA/POP CULTURE/HISTORY
Do you like reading?
What is your favourite novel/book series and why?
What was the last book you read? Do you recommend it?
Who’s your most beloved author?
Which do you prefer in a novel: character-driven stories, plot-driven stories, or good prose?
Is there a book you’ve read multiple times? Why do you keep going back to it?
What’s your favourite TV show? Why is it so good?
What are your top 5 favourite films?
What’s something I should watch on Netflix/Stan/Hulu etc. when I get the chance?
What’s a movie you can't stand?
What character do I remind you of?
Which Hogwarts House do you think I’m in? Which one are you in?
Do you have a favourite Disney movie? What about a favourite Disney song?
Marvel or DC?
Friends or Seinfeld?
Who is your favourite superhero?
Reality TV - yay or nay?
What’s your go-to movie genre? (Favourite rom-com/Christmas/action/comedy film?)
What was your go-to film as a child?
Who is your all-time favourite character? Who’s a character you're most like/relate to most? Who’s a character you’d want to be friends with?
Do you have a favourite quote? Can you share one with me? Why do you love it?
Who is your favourite movie/TV/book couple?
Who’s someone I should follow on Instagram?
Who’s a celebrity or historical figure you’d most want to meet and why?
IF IT WERE POSSIBLE
Do you believe in God? Aliens? Destiny?
Choice or Chance?
Would you want to know the future?
Would you ever go to a fortune teller?
Would you travel back in time if given the opportunity? Why or why not? If yes, would you change something?
If you could have any superpower what would it be and why?
If you won the lottery what would you do with the money?
If you could travel to any other alternate universe/fictional world, where would you go? Why?
DARK
Do you have any phobias?
What’s your worst fear/s?
Do you have any regrets?
What’s one thing you’ve been insecure about in the past that you’ve overcome?
How do you react when you’re angry/sad/uncertain? When was the last time you felt like that?
What’s been a difficult time in your life?
What’s one thing you think is holding you back in life?
LIGHT
Is there a moment that you wish would have lasted forever?
Who is someone you know that you deeply admire? Have you let them know that you feel this way?
Who is someone in your life you can talk to/go to about anything and everything?
What’s the most thoughtful present someone ever got for you? What’s the most thoughtful present you ever got for someone?
Who’s someone you’ve been thinking about calling? Would you call them after we’re done playing this?