Mama I’m a vegan now: Six intrusive comments you’ll get from your family this mid semester break and how to respond
Heading home over the break as the potential target of family judgement? Samantha Cronin is here to help.
Has your brief sojourn at university got you feeling like you may suddenly be the target of unwanted, intrusive familial interrogation? Do you feel that your appearance, your opinions and your newfound voice might be the butt of every joke? The Docs, the deliberately distressed jeans, the belly button ring, the tattoos. THE PINK HAIR. The Green party tote indicating your very Green vote... ripe for the teasing. What to do? Pulp has frequented upon such awkward encounters with family members many a time, and we’re here to help.
1 . “I hope they gave you half off for those jeans, given there’s only half of them left.”
This is the classic parent response to jeans, or really any distressed piece of clothing. I recommend the non confrontational approach of reminding the commenter of some of the fashion trends that plagued their youth. A rip in the knee of your jeans pales in comparison to the age of the vividly coloured legwarmer.
2. “So who are you voting for?”
For the people who spent most of your childhood reminding you that it was impolite to discuss politics, they sure don’t mind bringing this one up. Of course university may have allowed you to develop a political system of beliefs that is different, or in some cases completely contradictory to that of your parents. Best to avoid the subject altogether if you ask me. Use a diversion if possible, drop a plate on the floor, pull a fire alarm...whatever it takes to avoid a lecture about how any other party but the Liberals are out to turn Australia into a communist hellscape.
3. “That’s going to be on you forever you know. FOR...EVER”
That’s sort of what getting a tattoo is? If you have one, you’re well aware of its permanence and in many cases, that’s the exact reason you got it. No one hears a relative’s take on tattoos and goes “oh shit I thought this’d wash off in the shower.” Break the awkward judgy silence and tell them you got your intricate Garfield themed sleeve out of a bubblegum wrapper.
4. “So, who are you voting for?”
Do not underestimate how frequently you’ll run into this question. See above.
5. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those feminists now.”
This is the classic, garden variety, your uncle’s had one too many beers with lunch and is now manspreading on the sofa, statement. Typically, it’s located just after a heated discussion about “political correctness gone mad” or “you can’t even say Merry Christmas anymore.” I say run wild with this one, say whatever you want. After all, is it really a family event if you’re still speaking to each other at the end?
6. “Ugh so I guess this means you can’t eat anything fun anymore. More easter eggs for me I suppose.”
Being an adult means that you get to eat what you want, sans gluten and meat if you will, and you don’t have to justify it to anyone... Except for everyone who demands an explanation like it’s their God given right, apparently. Said people do not like any of the aforementioned explanations. Instead, I like to take this opportunity to remind that judgemental family member of the time they undertook a juice “cleanse” or got briefly hooked on “detox” teas. You look after your body, I’ll look after mine, yea?
Deep breath. It’ll be over soon enough. Eat all the chocolate, and all of the begrudgingly prepared vegan food regardless of how many eye rolls it took them to even find the tofu in the supermarket. Happy holidays!