Mardi Gras might be over but we aren’t done celebrating queer stories. Mia Castagnone and Emily Graetz speak to five members of the LGBTQIA+ community and share their stories of community, change and courage.

Sean Young: Not a lot of people have support when they’re queer, which is why the strength and support of the queer community is so important.

“I came out in the first year to most of my friends and family. This was a big step for me, and I was lucky to have such supportive family and friends. Looking back, I don’t think I realised how much more growing and learning I had to do. It’s such a weird transition going from making a big deal about telling someone your identity, to not even thinking twice about it.

It was really only until I joined SHADES - the LGBTQIA+ society at USYD - that I was able to find the confidence to really be myself. I think that queer people especially find strength in community - and this is why community is so important when a lot of queer people don’t have that support.

Now as President of SHADES 3 years later, I want to make sure that new queer students are given the same opportunity to meet others in the community like I did. While we have a lot of fun, SHADES isn’t just about social events - but creating a safe space for young queer people to meet and learn from each other. I owe so much to the community, and I want to continue to give back after I leave uni.”

Oliver Mackie Pawson: Coming from a Christian household didn’t make coming out easy.

“My journey at the beginning was actually really difficult, so for some context I used to be from a really big Christian family background. I was part of a pretty homophobic church, even though I wasn't explicitly homophobic.

From early on, there was a tonne of barriers for me actually being open about my sexuality, but the thing that was most important was that I thought that it would be extraordinarily lonely.

But soon I found a great source of refuge within the queer community. Even though I still have a lot of that trauma from some of my past experiences, knowing that there was such a supportive community, such a loving and open community, made me feel so at home and I think that's probably one of the most beautiful things about being queer, it’s the community that has been cultivated around that, its supportive and accepting. Never before did I realise how much I could love myself and not be ashamed of who I was.

All those fears that prevented me from coming out were completely put to rest when I first took that big step. And it's that initial fear, that initial pain, that sometimes comes with isolation. I lost my old high school friends for example who were acting really weird around me being gay.

But the more I was able to engage and put myself out there with other queer people, the more I actually felt truly loved for who I was as a person and I didn't have to pretend to be anyone else. The fear, pain and all the isolation of not being out and being scared of making that step forward were languished when I knew that on the other side of that, I would be accepted by the queer community and I had never felt so loved and accepted in my life and I would do it all again.

I would tell anyone who is struggling to come out that there are a lot of difficulties with coming out and it hasn’t always been a straight journey. But it is realising that there is that supportive community out there and that there will always be people that love and accept you and you don’t have to be alone.”

Jordy Smith: I’ve learnt that you don’t need to figure it all out at once- it’s a journey and that also means you can try on as many ‘labels’ as you like!

“I came out in year 12. It was definitely a journey of slowly getting comfortable and confident in my identity, I told my close group of friends first who had all already come out and then family members I knew would be supportive. Having that community of people who I knew would love and accept me was so important to my coming out.

After high school I moved from my hometown to Sydney and found its huge, glittering and welcoming LGBTQIA+ community. Seeing how unapologetic the queer community in Sydney is in being themselves really helped me gain a sense of pride in my identity. USYD’s own queer community, particularly the SHADES society, was somewhere I could be exactly who I was with other young, queer people and has been where I’ve made some of my closest queer friends. I think I’m still on the journey of discovering the nuances of my queer identity, but what I do know I am so incredibly proud of it.

I’ve had some family members who haven’t been accepting and even actively protest against my rights as a queer person. It’s a struggle for many queer people, but finding my community, surrounding myself with those who not only accept, but celebrate me for who I am, has been the biggest way I’ve overcome these negative experiences. For me, my ‘chosen family’ is as important as my biological one.

“To anyone who is struggling to come out, don’t feel as though you have to have it all figured out straight away. It’s okay to try on different labels and see what feels right for you. Changing your label doesn’t make your experience or your sexuality any less valid, I went from identifying as bisexual to lesbian and now I predominantly use queer because it suits me best. Coming out is hard enough without the pressure of feeling like you have to have the right labels immediately. Take the time you need and surround yourself with people who will support you on your journey.”

Lisa Ban: Exploring your gender identity or sexuality can be a very isolating experience so it’s important to build a strong support network around you that will be there to offer you guidance, reassurance or a hug when you feel really overwhelmed.

“The best thing about being in the LGBTQIA+ community is how much we embrace authenticity and being yourself. Mardi Gras is a great reminder of how creative and vibrant the community is. It’s an opportunity to celebrate everything we have to offer and whilst the media focus a lot on the struggle and pain – which is important to reflect on – it’s also nice to celebrate the joyful moments.

Being true to who you are can be really challenging. It’s about accepting all the parts of you - even the parts that you’re slightly unsure about or you haven’t quite figured out yet. But you can give yourself the space you need and acknowledge that even the scary or uncertain elements of your identity are still important parts of who you are as a person.

Exploring your gender identity or sexuality can be a very isolating experience so it’s important to build a strong support network around you that will be there to offer you guidance, reassurance or a hug when you feel really overwhelmed. Statistically, the community is more vulnerable to experiencing mental health issues, so I think the main thing is to be kind to yourself when you’re on this journey.

For friends that are looking for advice on how to support their queer friends, I would say: affirm their identity and reassure them that you are there to support them as always. Something that I find comforting is when another person affirms my sexuality in subtle ways. For example, my Mum switched from asking ‘whether I had a boyfriend’ to ‘whether I was seeing anyone.’ It might have been a small change, but it was also very meaningful to me. It showed that she cared and accepted me for who I am.

I think if a friend told me they were questioning their identity or sexuality I would really encourage them to take the pressure off themselves to have it fully figured out straight away because it can be really confusing. While labels are useful for some people, there’s also no need to feel the need to fit in with a certain stereotype or category - everyone’s path is so different.”

Anthony Giannopoulos: For young queer folk questioning their future, as cliché as it is, I’d say: it really does get better.

“The best thing about being in the LGBTQIA+ community is that a lot of us go through the same experience of bringing ourselves up. For a lot of us, we look to YouTube or Instagram to find the community and to navigate the challenges we all go through – like coming out or opening up to someone for the first time. It’s kind of cool to watch a YouTube video or listen to a podcast or follow someone on Instagram who can help with that.

For young queer folk questioning their future, as cliché as it is, I’d say: it really does get better. I genuinely thought I’d never be able to come out to my close friends and family and even though everyone would always say ‘it gets better’, I’d just roll my eyes at them. I never would’ve thought that I would be in the position that I’m in now so I guess it’s just trusting that it will get better. It’s about developing that patience and fortitude towards life – don’t lose that.

If you’re coming out or questioning your gender identity or sexuality, I really do think we should remember that everything is kind of fluid and you’ve got to take your time. People always ask ‘when did you know’ or ‘how were you sure’ but at the end of the day, you’re not going to know everything in an instant.

Mardi Gras has become sort of a business and people forget what we’re marching or protesting about. This year’s protests were huge because it was a reminder of what Mardi Gras is all about. We march in honour of people that have died protesting for LGBTQIA+ rights and in honour of those that continue to be persecuted for fighting for their rights around the world.

The media also plays a role in raising awareness around LGBTQIA+ issues. A lot of people hate that because they think the media is using Mardi Gras for publicity – which is maybe true to an extent – but at the end of the day, it does open up those conversations. I think the media is so powerful in influencing people’s understanding of different situations and experiences of the world.”

Humans of USyd: Mardi Gras Edition