White Girls Guide To: Campus Crushes

Words by Elaine Jackson

Sydney University’s campus is an interesting ecosystem full of potential — from the sensitive baes who study in the Fine Arts library to the cute-because-they’re-talented Revue cast members; USyd is thriving with cuties. Here are the top five campus crushes you’ll have during your degree.

Law Bae

You’re lying to yourself if you’ve never thought about hooking up with a law student. There’s something about the huge ego, comprehensive Ralph Lauren wardrobe, and the illusion of intelligence that really just gets you going — even if they transferred from Arts. Bonus points if they have a boat/car worth more than your house and occasionally write for Honi Soit.

Engo Bae

Dating an Engineering student is like being in a long-distance relationship; you rarely see them, physical intimacy is not a strong suit, and somehow you end up having FaceTime study dates. But, it’s a long-term play; just think about all that bullshit about Mark Zuckerberg or Steve Jobs your unmarried, perpetually-single aunt told you – “nerds are the new jocks!!! Date a nerd haha you’ll get so rich!!!”

Commerce Bae

Want to marry rich, settle down, and become a North Shore MILF/DILF? Bag a Commerce student and you’re 99% of the way there. Sure, you’ll have to deal with their incessant reminders that they do study commerce; but you’ll have access to their Daddy’s gold AMEX. Gucci wallet for your birthday? No problem. Private jet to Milan for winter break? Done. The world is a Commerce Bae’s oyster.

Exchange Bae

Sure, the charm of a foreign accent is almost irresistible, but avoid Exchange Bae at all costs; they’re here for a good time, not a long time. Whether they’re a frat boy from the USA, a Berlin native who’s definitely been to Berghain, or a Seoul local who casually mentions they personally know every member of BIGBANG, having a crush on an Exchange Bae is undeniably playing with fire. Just think about the repercussions; nobody likes a tearful goodbye at Sydney Airport, and time differences are a bigger pain in the ass than TurnItIn.

StuPol Bae

Getting roped into student politics is an easy, yet very slippery slope, to slide down. You’ll dedicate ungodly hours to an often-unsuccessful campaign, and for what? The opportunity to catch the only cutie in the campaign team. There’s something appealing about someone who will voluntarily kick over an opposing A-Frame, and spend all their money on Courtyard’s daily special pizza. Extra credit if they’re a Lib and you’re Groots!

Bonus Crushes: the weirdly hot barista from Courtyard, your history tutor, the rebellious Arts student studying in Lawbry, and whoever delivers your UberEats to Fisher library any time past 10pm.