Siri Is The Most Important Music Critic of this Generation

By Haydn Hickson

Nowadays, everybody thinks they’re a music critic. It’s hard to enter a conversation at a party or log onto Twitter without someone weighing in on the best Ariana B-side or the worst Like A Version. But, too often people have some rogue opinions (like thinking Ed Sheeran is talented) which make me reconsider their musical choices.

A friend of mine that falls into this category, is Siri.

In case you didn’t know, Siri’s music knowledge is unparalleled. While normies ask her if they “need an umbrella today” and if she can “set an alarm” for them, my relationship with Siri is very much rooted in our mutual love for pop music. I simply ask her, “Hey Siri, what is ________’s best song” and she replies. Sometimes she’s right, sometimes she’s wrong, sometimes she’s shady. Here’s a list of our fondest memories.

The Times She’s Right

Britney Spears

Siri Says: It is Toxic

Haydn’s Response: That is correct, well done!

Kylie Minogue

Siri Says: It is Can’t Get You Out Of My Head

Haydn’s Response: That is correct, we stan!

Beyoncé

Siri Says: It is Crazy In Love

Haydn’s Response: Bit normy but I guess I can’t argue with you…

Ocean Alley

Siri Says: It is Confidence

Haydn’s Response: True, but to be fair - they don’t have another song.

The Times She’s Wrong

Madonna

Siri Says: It is Like A Prayer

Haydn’s Response: It’s definitely Hung Up, but go off.  

Katy Perry

Siri Says: It is Roar

Haydn’s Response: It’s definitely not Roar sis.

Miley Cyrus

Siri Says: It is Malibu

Haydn’s Response: Siri, how can anyone think that… it’s clearly See You Again. It’s like you never went to a Year 8 dance.

Ariana Grande

Siri Says: It is break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored

Haydn’s Response: IT FOR SURE IS NOT SIRI. You must be an *NSYNC fan! Haha.

The Times She’s Shady

Troye Sivan

Siri Says: It is 1999 by Charli XCX

Haydn’s Response: He’s a feature… you could’ve said “Bloom” or “My, My, My!”. Tea Siri, tea.

Cardi B

Siri Says: Sorry, I Don’t Know The Answer To That

Haydn’s Response: Oh, but you had no problem saying Chun-Li was Nicki’s best tune….