What Gilmore Girls taught me about failure, academic pressure and unrealistic expectations

Emily Graetz thinks that we should reassess our academic priorities.

Like many other Australians, for me, this year has meant a lot more time in front of the television and a lot more time contemplating reality. It’s safe to say that 2021 has been brought to you by nostalgia for 2000’s television and the ever present question of “what will my life be like next year” and “what would I have done differently leading up to this point”. 

Cue Gilmore Girls: the perfect anecdote for my TV cravings and existential dread. Tracing the quirky and tight-knit relationship between mother and daughter, the 2000’s comedy-drama television series is an exploration of young motherhood, friendship and growing up. It’s Gilmore Girls’ innocent yet hard-working daughter, Rory, that’s really prompted me to have a think about my life. Rory is clever, diligent and introverted: she has no qualms about spending her weekends at the library or falling asleep with her study notes in her lap. In fact, doing well at school comprises a big portion of personality, it’s her absolute pride and joy. 

But being the perfect student has its pitfalls and ultimately turns out to be unsustainable. In Season 5, Episode 15, in her second year at Yale University (I told you, she loves school), everything comes crumbling down when Rory can no longer manage the high expectations she sets for herself. 

“Everything’s falling apart. I thought I had it under control but I don’t...everybody else can handle the classes, but I can’t. And I’m supposed to. I’m supposed to take five classes. Everybody else does”, she cries onto the shoulder of her ex boyfriend Dean, who she is definitely too good for. 

As I watched Rory’s life seemingly fall apart under the weight of her own expectations I began to think about how I had also approached university and the pressure we all feel to succeed in particular ways. How often is it implied that completing a university degree in 3 years is a sign of success and that anything less means you can’t hack it? Or that overloading on your courses is morally admirable? That spending all of your spare time studying means you deserve more success? 

Rory’s meltdown might have been slightly dramatic but it did make me think about all the unnecessary expectations placed on young people to finish uni ASAP and get out into the workforce as good, productive citizens. Cue my moment of realisation: we are allowed to enjoy our degrees without trying to finish them as quickly as possible and studying all the time. 

I’m wrapping up my degree now so maybe I should have committed to a nostalgic re-run of Gilmore Girls a couple years ago when I could have taken more from this lesson. But if I had my time again, I would press a pause button on university and not make it the central focus of my life all the time. Really, this should have been obvious to me: the one semester that I underloaded was the semester that I enjoyed my subjects the most, was more deeply engaged with the content and was on top of my mental health. 

Granted, studying less subjects might not be an option for you, or even something that you want. Extending a degree isn’t for everyone and there’s a certain level of privilege involved in being able to participate in all the extracurriculars that uni has to offer. Students seeking high grades for grad programs or working to support their families don’t always have the luxury to spend their spare time in clubs and societies. 

But there’s also other ways we can reimagine university as something more than a job making factory that we need to complete in record time with record marks. It can also be a means to meet great people, explore new and exciting ideas without the pressure of employability and to learn about the issues that matter to you. 

If I had my time again I would consider part-time study as a chance to enjoy all of the extra opportunities that uni has to offer, like more involvement with clubs and societies or extra volunteering. I would have spent more time with my family and hung out with my friends. I would have maybe even spent more time watching nostalgic television series. 

Rory eventually learns that some expectations, like how many subjects you take, are actually arbitrary and don’t say anything about your worth as a person. She realises that maybe she shouldn’t rely on school as the sole source of her personality. Ultimately, studying less shouldn’t be a sign of failure and challenging the emphasis you place on success at university is actually an awesome way to reassess your priorities and do what’s best for you.