WORDS BY BIANCA FARMAKIS

“Riddled with the poison of dullness”

“Tiresome and self-defeating”

“An impersonation of a benignly inarticulate stoner clown who’s only got half his marbles”

These are just some of the complete lies that’ve slandered the brilliant art house film that is Ruben Fleischer’s VENOM 4D. The two-hour, CGI-saturated Summer blockbuster is nothing short of a rollercoaster of emotions – but watching it in George St EVENT’s new, 4D enhanced cinema was an experience even the hands of angels in heaven couldn’t craft themselves.

Picture this – a theatre bathed in black, ergonomic chairs caressing the quivering physique of every spectator wrought with trepidation, the aroma of stale popcorn suddenly engulfed by the smoke machines and gale force winds that THRUST you into the first of MANY action sequences in the film. If you want your money’s worth to stick it to those Stan/Netflix/Hulu dirt-cheap monthly prices, you get it in the first fifteen minutes of VENOM 4D.

The plot is nothing special whatsoever – Edie Brock (Tom Hardy) is a cool, sexy journalist with an empowered woman in his life (Michelle Williams) that is trying to expose a massive scandal at LIFE corporations but fails because the Elon Musk-esque villain is super powerful and very rich (arguably the greatest super power of them all). After dipping into the same state of alcoholism he was definitely in during the filming of Mad Max: Fury Road, Hardy eventually gets a ‘parasite’ and becomes the ultimate villain, VENOM (4D).

And VENOM is the villain we need. It’s quick to assume it’s purpose, it boasts an unparalleled strength, speed and agility that makes even the most genetically gifted human form completely inferior and balances its aggressive sadism with a biting wit. Between bared, pincer-like, fucked up shark teeth, it openly calls Tom Hardy a “pussy” in what is easily the best moment in the entire film.

While objectively this film is flawless, it has its shortcomings. The action sequences are awesome, but being flung around in the 4D equipped theatre chair makes you thank god you’re there on an empty stomach, or alcohol-free session. Every time that creature would breathe this annoying spritz of water poured over the audience and there were several flashing lights during the course of the film that probably could cause an epileptic fit, so still questioning how that one got through OH&S.

Either way, unless you see this film in 4D, VENOM is laughably, and enjoyably terrible. It definitely had a lot of potential though. The moments of psychosis where Hardy converses with the VENOM voice within his head could’ve taken a darker route, emulating a Nolan-like “Dark Knight” vibe. This could’ve been the role Hardy finally got the Oscar for, but alas, it was two hours and twenty minutes of vapid, action-packed VENOM bullshit. And it was so entertaining to watch.

If you’re looking for an experience of a lifetime that will render any other ‘artistic’ crap you think is cool irrelevant, then VENOM 4D is the thing for you.

Plus, with a classic cameo right at the end that only true Marvel fans would recognise, we truly STAN (get it) this motion picture.

Safe to say Shrek 4D at Dreamworld can completely suck shit because VENOM 4D is officially where it’s at.

2018 never looked so bright people. And so DARK.

I Saw VENOM in 4D and it Didn’t Suck At All

WORDS BY BIANCA FARMAKIS