Dear Pulp: Focus and Fidelity
Dear Pulp is a weekly series where we’ll solve your questions, dilemmas and disasters! If you have something looming in your life or a juicy secret you just can’t help but share (anonymously, duh), let us know via this form.
I can’t stop procrastinating! What do I do?
I am sending compassion your way! It’s early semester one. Suddenly all your due dates are available. You’re navigating a new timetable and, therefore, a new lifestyle. It’s hard to come to uni, get piled up with work, and have your outside life too.
First off: you’re not lazy. You’re not bad at uni. You’re doing great and your feelings are normal. Sometimes these things are just difficult or scary and our natural reaction is to avoid doing the work. Maybe it’s because you’re tired and your body is telling you it needs a more forgiving schedule. Maybe it’s because you’re hungry and your body is telling you it needs to eat. Sometimes, procrastinating can be about a deeper issue. Perhaps you’re afraid of failure because you know that if you tried and failed you’d be devastated. Or perhaps you’re afraid of success because you feel imposter syndrome. Procrastination can also be a symptom of depression or anxiety, so it’s worth checking with a professional if this might be affecting your study habits.
My advice to you is this:
Have compassion and forgiveness for yourself. It’s ok to not always be at peak productivity.
Maybe join a study group to help you stay on track. Try out USyd’s Peer-Assisted Study Sessions: https://www.sydney.edu.au/students/pass.html or check in with the library to try a Pomodoro study session.
Book yourself in to receive mental health support for free from USyd: https://www.sydney.edu.au/students/counselling-and-mental-health-support.html
Set yourself small daily goals to both study and rest. Do not try to fill every waking hour with productivity. Start with one task from one class, give it your best shot, and take regular breaks.
Should I stay with a partner that cheated on me?
First of all, pat yourself on the back for taking a brave step and putting this out there because it’s important to talk about it.
Now let's weigh this up.
You’re probably feeling like you’ve been hit by a train, yeah? That’s totally fair: the person you love has committed the ultimate betrayal. On top of that you have a game of tug of war happening inside your heart and mind because you don’t know which road to go down: Can you forgive and move on? Or do you end things and prioritise yourself?
Now, speaking from experience, I know that time is of great importance here. When this happened to me, I felt a gazillion things all at once. I thought I could never live without that person and my life was effectively over. We had planned and finalised bookings and arrangements to move from England to Sydney where we were going to live together. I thought, ‘there is just no way I can do this now without him’. But guess what? 2 months later, still broken, highly vulnerable, and scared of the world, I got on that plane. And I’m writing this at The University of Sydney where I am enrolled in my second degree.
When you start to realise your strength and see your worth, great things happen. It’s only up from here. Stop putting so much dependency in another human, OK? That’s why we have dogs.