Dear Pulp: Friendship, Dating and Love in the time of COVID-19
Dear Pulp is a weekly series where we’ll solve your questions, dilemmas and disasters! If you have something looming in your life or a juicy secret you just can’t help but share (anonymously, duh), let us know via this form.
How do I make friends at uni?
Never be afraid to make the first move! Everyone is in the same boat - we all need friends, and we all get lonely at times. Strike up a conversation with anyone, stranger or classmate. When you're chatting with someone that you'd like to know better, get their Facebook or Instagram, and ask to hang out. It could be to grab lunch, study together, or an invite to a society event. Obviously this is a bit trickier with social distancing, but there are plenty of digital alternatives to help you out.
Friendships are formed when you find yourself chatting to each other again and again. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there, but I definitely appreciate it when someone reaches out to me, and vice versa. You don't even have to know the other person very well. Hit it off at a meet-up? Invite them out again.
The worst that can happen is if someone says no, and that's okay. You can get a lot out of one person saying yes.
Love,
an Agony Aunt who knew no one in Sydney
I just got a new boyfriend before coronavirus struck. Now I’m worried we won’t be able to see each other for ages. How do we make it work?
Dear reader,
Times are hard. New relationships can be so fragile, and though the current climate doesn’t feel ideal, I assure you that all hope is not lost yet. There are so many ways to stay in touch and keep your relationship exciting that doesn’t involve physical contact. I would recommend Netflix watching parties, scheduled FaceTime calls, and sharing of cat memes among other things. The main task is finding remote activities both of you enjoy, and finding the time to do them together.
The most essential thing is trust. This is not the time for relationship mind games and gaps in communication. Not being together in person is hard enough, especially with a new connection. Make sure you’re honest with your partner, and are providing them with the space to be the same. Social distancing can be really hard on people, and the key is having a safe space and a person you can rely on.
I've never asked someone out before and I don't know how to. PULP HELP ME!
Oh, reader, this is a tough one. As a certified introvert, I promise other people find this just as scary as you do. The first step is to get over your fear of rejection. Remember that one failed romance is not an indictment on your character and you’ll definitely be able to move on if it doesn’t work out. You’re certainly not in a worse position if you get rejected than if you never work up the courage to ask.
Next, don’t make it too much of an event. It’s not a marriage proposal: you’re asking someone to get a coffee (maybe via Zoom these days). Keeping this in mind will make things a lot easier; it’s just like asking to catch up with a friend. Think of a first date activity and suggest you can do that some time - all the better if the date relates to their interests in some way! Be honest that it’s a date (there’s nothing worse than being halfway through a ‘friendly’ lunch with someone who thinks it’s a romantic dinner).
Importantly, sometimes the other person just isn’t into you, and that’s OK. Although rejection can hurt, it’s better that you know so that you can get closure. And definitely be respectful regardless of the outcome!