GOSS: SRC College Collective Autonomy to be Voted on in the Next SRC Council

By Pulp Goss

Rejoice! Ye oppressed college students. A brave hero has arisen from the depths of this most cursed election, to champion thy plight and bring thee collective autonomy. Fear no more the flames of that wicked and vile feminist propaganda machine, The University of Sydney Women’s Collective! For thy sandstone cannot burn when thine valourous and noble defender wields his mighty sword of justice. Whomst is this mighty champion of thine moneyed pockets? James Ardouin, protector of the campus plutocracy and defender of the privileged. Ardouin hath told this very paper that “ these regulations are the final step...and are important to ensure that productive dialogue between the two institutions can continue into the future.” 

This most sacred doctrine, this mighty campus Magna Carta, seeks to “give the colleges a voice on the SRC” and “Facilitate a special relationship between the colleges and the SRC”. 

“We think it is important to follow the established convention of ensuring OBs are part of the geographic (sic) they represent.” At long last! Has some individual within that sinister communistic institution, the Sydney University Representative’s Council, had the stout-heartedness to recognise the humble College student as oppressed by the very same forces that do so to International Students, People of Colour and Women. Nay, not just oppressed, but oppressed so severely that they require the mighty mandate of collective autonomy to be enshrined within the regulations! A righteousness that is not bestowed upon the Queer, Women’s or Ethnocultural collectives. And what do the rulers of these lesser institutions of mere social justice have to say to their fearsome opponent? From the mouth of one Women’s Collective Convener Jazz Breen: 

 “I personally respect the autonomy of the colleges with one requirement, that any potential candidate knows how to light fires” 

Q.13. Residential College Officers Regulation Amendment was to be voted on by our honoured student council this present evening, but alas! The meeting has since been declared inquorate. Ardouin’s Mighty Sword of Justice must wait yet another month.