Campus Tales: That Shrine To Jesus in the Cellar Theatre
By Shania O’Brien
Our journey begins in 1982. The Cellar Theatre, Sydney University Drama Society’s current home, was new and ready for decades of stories to be painted on its walls. At least that’s what the archives want you to think. Ever since its conception, the Cellar has been a place for storytellers to gather around and share their art, to share parts of their lives and create new ones, to find family and forge new bonds. To go down in history. The story of the shrine is also about going down in history. The legend I’m about to recount transcends the concept of time as we have come to define it, and rises above all arguments about rational thought.
The first time I came across the peculiar tale of the Cellar’s shrine, I was young and naïve. It was Week 4 of my first semester when my SUDS mentor, Nina Mountford, brought up the topic in passing — as if the history of the shrine would not haunt me until I got to the bottom of it. What feels like aeons later, I am finally acquainted with relief.
Like a sane person, I obsessed day and night about the shrine. Where did it come from? Who created it? When was it created? Did it, not unlike our very universe, spring into being out of chaos? I’ve heard so much about it. I’ve heard it’s always been there, since the inauguration of the Cellar, built to appease the Old Gods. That the contents change over weekends when nobody’s been in the Cellar. That it was made by a cast who went too deep into a method acting exercise. That someone went in and didn’t come out for several days. There were crazier stories, of course: secret witchy cults and black magic, Halloween pranks and an inside joke that went too far, Sydney University Evangelical Union propaganda.
Everything above, obviously, is a lie. Tradition dictates that one must find the shrine themselves, be it at a bump-in or a late-night squatting sesh. But this tradition is newer than most people would care to admit. The shrine is located at the far end of the theatre, concealed behind giant flaps and all sorts of other props. Before you read on, I pose an essential question: do you really want to know what the real story is? The Cellar is a magical place, a living organism that deserves to keep its secrets. Maybe the truth of the shrine should be a secret that dies with the Cellar.
But, alas, my curiosity got the best of me. And so the investigation commenced. I asked everyone who would humour me. I scoured my memory for bits and pieces of information, for overheard conversations and hushed whispers. So many people were unaware of this vital piece of SUDS lore! Can you imagine the horror?
Anyway, I began my search by contacting a trustworthy member of the 2019 SUDS Executive and God’s gift to investigative journalism, [REDACTED]. It was quite a harrowing experience because they asked me if I wanted the truth, or if knowing it would ruin the article, and then vanished into thin air for thirty-six hours. I was afraid the Cellar had claimed its annual sacrifice! But they came back eventually in tow with everything I’ve ever wanted to know about the mysterious shrine.
Here’s the tea: in the summer of 2016-2017 Jeremy Blum, Jack Savage, and Julian Hollis directed an immersive summer show called ‘Menagerie.’ The show turned the Cellar into a maze and involved a lot of audience interaction as the actors moved through the space. The infamous shrine was built for one of the rooms within the maze and was left there after bump-out due to the sheer hilarity of it. ‘Menagerie’ was a practice round for the 2017 SUDS major, ‘In Two Circles.’
BUT THE PLOT THICKENS! After some more digging, [REDACTED] found that the Jesus statue was there from before ‘Menagerie’! My source had no idea where it came from, nor did the cast and crew of the show. It was time to delve deeper into SUDS history.
I’ll save you the blood, sweat, and tears that went into uncovering the truth and serve up the facts: the original shrine was built as a tribute to 2012 SUDS president Eliza Owen, to honour her production skills. The Jesus statue was used instead of a picture of her, and that was all she wrote . . .
If I admit to the feelings of accomplishment I experienced, I must also admit to the fear of being cursed or cancelled for exposing an age-old secret. It’s not like I’m running for a position on the 2020 exec. But the people deserve to know. The Cellar itself is a secret. Current President Lincoln Gidney confessed to receiving a ridiculous amount of phone calls and messages from confused newbies and visitors regarding the very location of the theatre. I profess that it took me longer than I’d like to admit to find the revered location during welcome week. Besides, this is only a story; and stories are only real if we want them to be.
Sources: [REDACTED]