6 times the men in MAFS made me want to barf
Emily Graetz recounts this season’s misogyny, the douch-baggery and the disappointing displays of men being men on TV.
I know what you’re thinking! Why bother with this article you fool! We all know that Married at First Sight (MAFS) is a cesspool of Australia’s most disappointing men. At best, they’re uninteresting. At worst, they’re committed misogynists (ahem, Dean Wells). This season, however, has been arguably much worse in terms of producer manipulation and male entitlement. So, here’s a cautionary tale about why you shouldn’t look to MAFS as the gold standard for healthy relationships.
1 - Cameron saying Samantha wasn’t his type because she didn’t go to the gym
Cameron is looking confused. Despite saying Samantha wasn’t his type - after they boinked - she is upset. Weird.
After a loved up wedding ceremony and sweet sweet honeymoon loving, the not so smitten groom had the guts to tell Samantha she wasn’t his type. The reason?
“I’m an active person. I go to the gym a lot. I envisioned myself with someone who’s like-minded.”
Whilst on the surface, this seems like a pretty innocent statement, the implications are nasty. Cameron doesn’t think of women as more than their physical attributes and fitness levels and honestly, that’s a pretty hurtful thing to someone who is obviously committed to giving your relationship a red hot crack. What’s worse is that he delivered these comments after they’d slept together. You’re not my type! But I’m willing to smash it with you! Nothing a gal loves to hear more, am I right?
2 - Sam telling Coco he ‘needs a girl with boobs’
Sam says “It’s frustrating for me because it’s like, I need a girl with boobs.” He has a look of entitlement and is not at all conscious of the fact that the words coming out of his mouth are ridiculous.
Ugh, another guy who’s concerned that his literal bombshell wife isn’t his ‘type’. Pray for Sam. He needs boobs. Not having a girl with boobs is very frustrating. Move aside Romeo and Juliet, this is a modern day love tragedy.
But seriously, Sam’s ability to both objectify women and make himself out to be some sort of victim in the experiment is a-grade douche-baggery. Whilst some of you may defend our dear friend here (“he’s allowed to have a type!”), let’s not forget that boobs is not an appropriate category of human being by which you can judge your love and respect for someone. And hey, maybe we shouldn’t be relying so much on ‘types’ anyway - it’s shallow and boring!
3 - James calling Belinda ‘frigid’
James is looking perplexed and tries to differentiate between calling someone a frigid and asking if they are frigid. He says “I said, “Is she? Is she a frigid?” “Is she a frigid?”
In episode 16, James, after hearing that the experiment was Belinda’s first relationship and wanted to take it slowly (Go Belinda, you set those boundaries for yourself), questioned whether she was ‘frigid.’ Drawing on this trope of frigidity to invalidate Belinda’s experience and boundaries is absolutely unacceptable, not to mention how it reduces women to their willingness/unwillingness to have sex with you.
James’ insulting and invasive questioning also sets up an impossible double bind for women. If she doesn’t have sex with you straight away - she’s frigid. If she does - she’s a slut. Unfortunately, this wasn’t James’ first barf-worthy moment for the episode. He also spent a good portion of the time gaslighting Jo by ignoring her feelings and twisting the blame back on to her after she asked why he hadn’t been coming home. No thank James! We don’t do that anymore! Bye!
4 - “I don’t cook, I usually microwave”
Cooking pasta is being smashed by a wooden spoon. Some bolognaise simmers beside the assaulted pasta. I would not eat.
Oh boy. This hurt to watch. James is 35. He’s a fully grown human being. He thinks he’s ready to get married. And yet… he can’t cook spaghetti. I know we’re meant to think this is endearing (“awww, he loves her so much that he’s even giving cooking a go! What a good husband!”) BUT IT IS DEEPLY DISTURBING. How do you get to that age without learning that the onion goes in before the meat? Cred to Alana who said it didn’t taste good but she appreciated it anyway. She showed more courage than I could ever.
5 - Bryce’s lecture on respecting women and ensuing cat fight
Bryce has just thrown water at Sam who is being protected by some of the other boys. (PEOPLE GASP).
Brycey, Brycey, Bryce. From constantly reminding Melissa of the kind of woman he would normally hook up with (who she is not, apparently) to the double standards on cheating and the complete disdain for her obviously hurt emotions - he’s been nothing but disrespectful. Somehow though, he took this dinner party as an opportunity to lecture Sam on his ‘morals’ and ‘respect for women’. To be clear, neither of these men have a right to talk about respecting women, but this was hypocrisy at its finest. To top it all off, the scene ended in a *cue dramatic music* cat fight in which Bryce threw a glass of water on Sam! It really is the girls creating all the drama hey...
6 - John, the ‘matchmaker’
John tells the participants they ‘are gonna all be thrown in the deep end.’
Bonus points for John Aiken who, despite being a ‘relationship expert,’ does not seem to fail in coupling people who are simply not compatible. Please, for the love of god, someone tell this man that pairing a woman with a history of being disrespected by men with a guy that is going to repeatedly tell them they’re not attractive is not a good idea.
Thanks for joining me on this ride! I didn’t gain anymore trust in men but I sure as hell am more invested in Married at First Sight now… plenty more good times to come.