Law lecturer more lifeless than Chau Chak mummies, report finds

A special report has found that a certain USyd law lecturer is more lifeless than the mummies in the Egyptian section of the Chau Chak Wing Museum. Despite perishing over 3000 years ago, the panel of expert analysts found more signs of life in the mummified corpses.

The report was commissioned by several concerned law students who feared that their lecturer, who will remain anonymous, was actually dead.

“The slides and content were moving so damn slowly - slower than USyd’s admin team at approving anything more complex than a password change,” said one student.

“It got to the point where we really weren’t sure if the lecturer was still breathing. If they went any slower they’d be talking backwards. How can a 2-hour lecture seemingly last whole days?”

The strange distortion of time in the lecture theatre alarmed researchers in the University’s physics department, who went over to investigate.

“It seems as though this is a rare occurrence in which the sheer boringness of the lecture content has shattered the very space-time continuum,” said Dr Jones, “in a bit of a reverse-Interstellar scenario, one hour in that lecture hall equates to roughly 30 seconds of reality.”

“By our calculations, one 2-hour lecture therefore feels like 240 hours in the real world.”

Investigations continue.  

By Fabian Robertson.