Student failed to realise they had to be signed up at birth to be eligible for a Grad role

The Civil Engineering major apparently also thought that roles would be given based on merit, writes Emily Graetz.

A fourth year student at the University of Sydney is currently paying the price for their obliviousness. The civil engineering major, John McMahon, spoke to Pulp earlier this week to recount his tragic realisation that he actually had to be signed up at birth to be eligible for any graduate engineering roles. 

“Yeah look mate, I honestly was just worried about the fact that I had to do every single winter and summer school available to me because I’d failed so many units. Apparently you also need to have applied for professional experience two years in advance and fuck knows how early for a grad role. Like that’s gotta be a joke”.

Unfortunately reports show that John isn’t alone in his blissful unawareness. As many as 1 in 4 undergraduate students are entering their fourth year with the belief that they will successfully apply for a graduate role in their final semester of university. However, big engineering and finance firms along with public sector organisations tend to close their applications up to a year in advance of the job actually starting. Students slow off the mark then, really do be fucked. 

John’s other mistake of course, was thinking he would get a job based on merit. Being an engineering student from a rural area with no connections in the city meant that he failed to get any professional experience before graduating. 

“All of my mates just knew someone on the inside. All I’ve done is a few backyard welding jobs with my old man”. 

John is set to stack his final semester with as many volunteering projects, hackathons and club memberships as possible with the hope that his CV will look a bit better. Given the statistics, it’s probably too little too late. 

“Guess I’ll just work in the mines then, hey”.