Scott Morrison announces curriculum change: 'show and tell' to be replaced by 'conceal and deceive'

James Frederiksen reports.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison today announced that “show and tell” will no longer be allowed in Australian classrooms, citing fears that it establishes an unfair expectation of truth and authenticity in our public servants.

Instead, primary school children will now partake in “conceal and deceive”, an activity that prioritises duplicity and passing the blame – the ideals at the heart of the Australian Liberal Party.

“Quite frankly, the expectation that we should be transparent about our movements and spending is ridiculous”, said Morrison, shortly after his second meeting with President Joe Biden.

“So, I breached coronavirus restrictions and spent $100,000 on a plane to shepherd me into New South Wales secretly, but in my defence, none of you cared until those bastard journalists told you about it.”

“Maybe if we all spent a little less time worrying about whether or not I misused public funds, and a little more time worrying about how the State Premiers are going to be held accountable for Covid-19 because it’s all their fault, we could start making some real progress.”

The idea for the curriculum shift was apparently sparked by Morrison’s wife, Jenny.

“Jenny really has a way with words, and she said to me, ‘imagine it was our daughter finding out that you supported a possible rapist out of a misguided sense of party loyalty’. How could I put her through that?”

“So, I’ve decided to avoid facing the consequences of my actions altogether. I think that when kids learn that ‘stonewalling their peers’ and ‘hiding in the bathrooms during homework checks’ is cool, they will start holding me to a much lower standard. One that I can live up to.”