Dear Pulp: Love and Loneliness

Dear Pulp is a weekly series where we’ll solve your questions, dilemmas and disasters! If you have something looming in your life or a juicy secret you just can’t help but share (anonymously, duh), let us know via this form.

Dear Pulp, I'm a second year student who's found herself in a bit of a predicament. I've realised that I've drifted from my high school friends, and that we just don't click anymore. I've struggled to make actual friends in my course too, so i currently have 0 close friends. I feel so lonely and hopeless. Self-isolation has definitely made the loneliness worse. Help?

I totally understand this feeling - when you’re no longer forced together by the rigid routines of high school, growing away from your high school friends is completely normal. And when you don’t know that many people at uni, it’s hard to find an entry into social life there as well.  I can imagine that Zoom classes definitely aren’t making this any easier.

I’ve found that meeting people outside of class, for instance through clubs and societies, is a great way to find new friends. Many clubs are moving online at the moment, so try turning up to their online events. Everyone is stuck at home, so it seems likely that other people are also feeling lonely. Reach out to others and I wouldn’t be surprised if they respond! Check the USU’s Facebook and Instagram (@usuaccess) to stay updated on upcoming events. 

When you’re lonely, it can also be good to distract yourself by putting energy into helping those around you. Get involved in a mutual aid group or send a message to elderly neighbours to keep them company. If you find yourself struggling with your mental health, here are some resources for dealing with mental health problems and COVID-19.

Should you tell a girl that you like them when you’re pretty sure they like someone else?

This honestly depends a lot on circumstance. My first reaction was “oh no, definitely not”, as a girl who has experienced an unfortunate share of unreciprocated declarations of affection. If you are getting zero vibes that she might be into you, I’d recommend waiting. You don’t want to put her on the spot and make her feel awkward. You’re better off just enjoying being friends with her.

With that said, if you suspect that she’s generally open to love and there seems to be potential there, it might be worth making a move. Maybe you’ve misread the signs and she actually doesn’t like someone else, or maybe she hasn’t even considered you as a potential partner yet. If that’s the case, give her some signs that you like her and see how she responds.