RECAP: The Bachelor 2020 Episode 3
Ellie Stephenson gets her bi-weekly dose of drama.
An efficient, relatively sedate SRC meeting destroyed my usual Bachelor-watching Wednesday night routine, but luckily 10Play is here to inject some drama into my night. The promos have foreshadowed that tonight’s cocktail party will be insane, so my hopes are high.
The bachelorettes on last week’s photoshoot date return to the mansion absolutely miserable. They’re all crying because intruder Kaitlyn entered in a wedding dress and, as Areeba cannot resist repeating salaciously, they had lots of chemistry. Kaitlyn is “beeeeeautiful”, she tells everyone, clearly enjoying the opportunity to wreak havoc.
With the girls sobbing, Kaitlyn and Locky are enjoying their extra time. They apparently have “instant chemistry”. She is the only person ever to like his terrible ‘strongth & honow’ tattoo. That’s got to count for something.
At the cocktail party, Areeba and Kristina are scheming. “Look at me when I’m talking to you”, Areeba tells Kristina. Kristina says she’s trying not to look suspicious. It’s like a scene from stupol negotiations.
The girls have collectively decided that Bella doesn’t need more time with Locky. Charley thinks if Bella spends more time with the Bachelor, World War 3 will break out. “Wait, is WW3 already happened?” she asks, lucidly.
Charley’s history lesson from a producer is interrupted by the entry of Kaitlyn, who has a rose. A storm of desperation ensues, with poor Locky passed from one woman to another for chat after chat. Laura is once again displeased, telling him “It’s hard for me, living in a house with 20 other girls”. Someone - I think Irena - discovers her star sign is the same as Locky’s.
“Who gives a shit about star signs”, says Areeba, reading my mind.
Locky is rescued from the melee by Juliette, Areeba and Kristina, who decide to take him for a “threesome chat”. Out of the frying pan, into the fire. The other girls are scandalised, deciding that 3-on-1 chats are simply outside the Bachie rules.
The girls seem temporarily to think they’re on Masterchef, telling Locky they’re serving him “burrito, kebab, butter chicken” (ugh). Locky sweats. “I can’t do spicy stuff”, he gulps. “Chocolate, caramel, dulce de leche?” they suggest. Locky has a thing for desserts, evidently, as he jokes that they should just stop the show at the top three.
Laura is not having a bar of it. She’s seen better threesomes, she makes sure to tell us, and she’d roundly unimpressed.
As the trio are ending their chat with Locky, Juliette pulls out an absolutely genius move. She slips Locky a little note which she asks him to read later. It’s super long, “intense” and “passionate” and is mainly a vehicle to tell him that she’s Not Like Other Girls. Normally, this would annoy me, but right now I agree: she is not like other girls, she is a well-above-average schemer. I love this. So does Locky, who thinks the letter is really sweet.
Why is this letter longer than Bachelor in Paradise felt?
He walks conspicuously through the mansion with a rose behind his back. Laura hopes it’s her ‘Louis Vuiccon’ bag on the way. No one expects what actually happens which is - gasp - that Juliette gets the rose. This is SO much better than the SRC meeting. The house is in an absolute frenzy.
Areeba is having a full blown tantrum. “I’m the prettiest”, she complains. Kristina tells everyone about The Note. Everyone is furious. They feel ripped off. Irina has a whinge. None of them seem to realise that they could also have thought of this, had they been a little strategic.
The girls egg the furious Areeba on in her rampage. She confronts Juliette, telling her she is “privileged to be hanging out with me and Kristina”. “I feel used”, sniffs Kristina. Poor Juliette, who was expecting her friends to be excited for her, is utterly confused by the furore. On the verge of tears, she explains that it didn’t even occur to her to tell the others about the note (seems fair). Areeba is unmoved. “I don’t wanna be your friend”, she yells, storming out. Juliette is perplexed at these preschool-style antics.
Bella, who has been conflicted about whether to chat to Locky given the threat of backlash from the rest of the mansion, finally gets a moment with him. They kiss. Locky is evidently relieved to have a moment’s break from the vodka soda fuelled madness of the cocktail party.
By the end of the night, Rosemary is crying. Roxi is crying. Everyone is crying. All that’s missing now is a Jamie Doran breakdown.
The rose ceremony begins; three people will be going home. The first safe bachelorette is Steph (“daddy”, says Locky, who remains impressed by her acting at the photoshoot). Areeba’s tantrum is ongoing. “I always get things first”, she whines. Juliette is obviously hoping, for the sake of her own safety, that Areeba and Kristina will go home. Not so. Charley, Roxi, Rosemary, Kristina, and Areeba - everyone we saw crying or complaining about not getting a rose - is safe.
Osher, as close to tears as ever, announces breathily that Georgie, Leilani and Milena will be going home, whoever they are.
Episode score - 7 - better than the SRC but a little insubstantial
Areeba displeasure-meter - has miraculously beaten Laura in the sulking league
Tears shed - impossible to count
Best moment - the letter, obviously
Worst moment - Areeba losing my good will