RECAP: The Bachelor 2020 Episode 4
Ellie Stephenson tunes in to the Bachelor once again.
Tonight’s episode begins with Laura saying we’re in for a shitshow. Ideal. Given yesterday’s episode was basically just a cocktail party, I’m hoping we’ve got a more exciting episode ahead.
We start off with Locky and Nicole’s first date; she is using her triple threat rose. He has decided to take her rock climbing, which is going to be fraught because she is scared of heights. This is a classic Bachelor date, where some poor acrophobic woman is terrorised so the Bachelor can show off his brave-but-sensitive side. The producers simply never manage to pick a woman who actually likes heights for this kind of date, which is just mean.
Anyway, Nicole makes the best of the situation. She survives abseiling and makes out with Locky on the top of a cliff. Honestly the date had the tone of a personal training session, but the couple seem to have enjoyed it.
Back at the mansion, Kristina, Areeba and Roxi are exercising casually (one of the least appealing passtimes of the Bachie household) and complaining about Juliette. Juliette’s lengthy Not Like Other Girls manifesto has become the most infamous letter since Reboot’s 2018 SRC campaign. The women feel “betrayed” by Juliette expressing her feelings to Locky, with Roxi raging that the ploy was “planned”. It seems both obvious and benign that the thesis-length letter was planned, but Roxi is nonetheless outraged at Juliette’s creativity.
It’s now evening, and Locky and Nicole are discussing their respective love lives. Nicole, who constantly sounds like she’s on the verge of tears, tells us she’s scared of getting heartbroken after a series of ill-fated and short-lived casual relationships. Locky cuts straight to the big issues: “Could you teach dance in Bali?” She could. She says she’s starting to fall for him.
Now for another group date, which is almost as stupid as last week’s photoshoot date. The bachelorettes are playing a horrible, soggy game of gridiron. The producers have made them wear white tights, which do not cope well at all with the mudpit playing field. Areeba, understandably, is not pleased about this date; Juliette has given her a spot on the date as a peace offering after The Note Saga, but the date looks awful. Nicole is also worried, because she’s used her triple threat group date to dress up in these absurd costumes and take a violent mudbath. Charley and Roxi emerge as the biggest contenders for MVP; Charley is a PE teacher and Roxi is insanely competitive. While Osher watches on smugly from beneath an umbrella, Charley and Roxi charge around the field, scoring a touchdown each and performing tackles which make Channel 10’s WHS manager shudder.
In the end, Roxi comes out on top, winning extra time with Locky. At the mansion, Areeba uses this to stir the pot, worrying the girls by discussing Roxi and Locky’s chemistry. She’s quick to point out that Nicole did not receive a rose on her single date. Although it’s obvious that this is because she already has the triple threat rose, Nicole is shaken. It’s all a little mean.
Roxi and Locky’s time together sees them share hotdogs and innuendos. Roxi admits she suffers from trust issues and that rose ceremonies stress her out. This moves Locky, who presents her with a rose to soothe her worries. Instantly opening up, she starts to discuss a sex dream she had about him. It’s very awkward but Locky seems happy for the version of him living rent free in Roxi’s subconscious.
Roxi returns to the mansion with her rose. Both Bella and Nicole feel not great about this. Roxi boasts that she didn’t kiss Locky because she wanted to leave him wanting more. Areeba rightly thinks this is silly and a waste of a date.
Areeba spends about 20 seconds back in my good books before annoying me once again, when she and Kristina go to confront poor, perplexed Juliette, who says she’s lonely and missing her friends. Areeba and Kristina are determined not to make reconciliation easy, asking her about the content of the letter. They complain that it made it look as thought only Juliette was there for the Right Reasons™. Areeba decides to forgive Juliette, apparently because “she’s crazy”. She can’t let the whole thing go without making Juliette kiss her hand and foot, which is weird and gross. Why Juliette wants to be friends with this toxic pair, I don’t know, but I’m glad the letter controversy is over.
Nicole is using the final part of her triple threat rose: a visit to Locky’s Bach Pad. He tells us that he wants to see if they can be more than friends. To test their romantic potential, they’ll be making hot chips. As much as I love hot chips, I’m unconvinced that chopping potatoes is the best way to determine whether the couple has chemistry.
The gold standard in egregious cooking: Ivan’s whole avocado puree
Ivan’s avocado misstep has set the Bachie benchmark for appalling cooking, a record which Locky - who says he is a bad cook - doesn’t beat. With that said, we don’t actually see Nicole and Locky’s final product, so it could totally have been inedible. Successful chips or not, the pair do uncover some chemistry, sharing a kiss in the Bach Pad kitchen.
Roxi is extremely frustrated at the thought of Locky and Nicole kissing; she has not grasped that the premise of The Bachelor requires the contestants to share a boyfriend and thinks it’s disrespectful for any of the other women to kiss him so soon after her post-gridiron extra time. Roxi remains rather unbalanced for the rest of the episode, complaining that she “may as well go home” and worrying that Locky has forgotten about her when Nicole returns with a rose.
Meanwhile Areeba has taken to referring to Juliette and Kristina as “my girls”, which has real momager vibes. She’s micromanaging their approach to the cocktail party and surely getting on their nerves. It’s obvious that she’s not the slightest bit interested in Locky but is very keen on being the Boss.
The episode is cut short before the cocktail party heats up, leaving me hankering for Laura’s promised “shitshow”.
Episode score: 5/10 - did not deliver on its promises
Betrayed women: Areeba, Roxi, Kristina, the viewer (where was my shitshow??)
Roxy’s white dress: much cleaner than her dreams
Best moment: Osher watching over the ridiculous gridiron game
Worse moment: Juliette kissing Areeba’s foot. Just no.